Why I have stopped watching porn & the concerning future; my NoFap story

i first started porn when i was 10, exposed to it on the bus ride to school by a couple of kids in my grade. my eyes lit open larger then ever before, and over the next 7 years, i went through a virtual journey of sex ed and what sex looked like. nearly half of my life i’ve watched it, daily for years. when i started, i was a tiny kid who knew nothing about relationships and how to pursue them. past forward 7 years, i am now a junior in high school with athletic aspirations and accomplishments i could only dream of when i first started watching. i’ve grown about a foot taller, have a great relationship with my family, and have a social life. one thing that ever matured were love interests and intimacy. all confidence was shredded when i actually tried to talk to a girl, flirting, and anything someone my age now had a couple years down their belt. slowly but surely, as i tried to participate in NoFap for what seemed like the 1000th time, something was different. the end felt near. i knew going home after school and watching porn videos was getting ridiculous. on December 1st,2024 i put down the lotion and have not jerked off since. despite this being one of the best accomplishments of my short lifetime so far, i have shifted from one compulsion to another, self harm. in the times I feel horny now, i have no desire to jerk off but rather use scissors in my bedside table and swipe my arm. i’ve been doing it for the last couple days. why? great question. i go to bed with my arm in a vile pain, and cut marks though out my right arm that remain there when i wake up. i have no desire to ever go back to porn, but have taken on a new job in self harm. it’s something that has confused me, and a sign of emotional distress in some way. a reason of concern. a odd thing to do. for 37 days, i have started the greatest commitment of my life, over the last couple of day, i am doing one of the worst actions one can do to themselves. i want to share my story to anyone who has a similar experience, and for others to give insight on why i would do this over fapping. thank you all.