If only id just waited a little longer

I've been addicted to porn and masturbation for 5 years, and my last relapse was after my longest time abstaining (2 weeks). As im sure most of you can relate porn is a major coping mechanism for me, and that's probably the main reason i keep relapsing.

In the past few days, I got really restless and started to have bad withdrawal symptoms and just started to not care about the consequences of me relapsing anymore. I was waiting for a response from the company I applied to since last week, and they only just responded today. Why was I so impatient? If only I'd just waited a day or two more, I would've been able to significantly lower my chances at relapsing and improve my performance at work.

After a certain amount of time, my mindset changed, and I started to feel empty. My mind created a void within myself, and I gave in to addiction in a poor attempt to fill that void for the millionth time. I am so disappointed in myself, not because I lost all hope, but because deep down, I'm wondering if i ever will truly recover.