I'm not androgynous, and I'm sick of being told 'you are valid'.

It's obvious from how binary trans people interact with me and how people talk about their selfies here (and I am not exempt from this) that it DOES really matter to people how you physically present. I may not 'owe' anyone androgyny but it's very clear that without it I will only ever be seen as and treated as a cis woman. I do not feel fucking validated by anyones real actions and being told I'm 'still valid' is often just as condescending to me as being called "m'theydy" by cringey straight dudes. And I don't know, am i playing into queerness as a thing you hold inside of you rather than queerness as something you do by not trying harder to be more androgynous? It's not like I haven't tried, it's that dressing hypermasculine to offset having a hyperfeminine face and body is inauthentic for me, because I'm not really masculine or feminine, and I won't be able to medically transition for years because of my fucked insurance situation. Maybe this makes me 'still valid' but my lived experience does not make it feel that way. I want to be loved and accepted by my community and my community does not see me as one of them. Often I question if I even am a part of this community or if I'm just desperate to put a name to feeling alien. Anyway. I'm tired. And being told I'm 'valid' is often just salt in the wound. It does nothing to improve my life or how im treated.