I'm 23M ( Ugly Face Problem )

I dont know where to start but & dont know whether you the one readings will ever know the server

I was 14 years old back in 2015 when i started getting whiteheads/blackheads on nose and forehead areas , ofc due to hormonal changes at that age , The Worst thing i did was poping them off looking at the mirror and that gave me immense satisfation getting the stuffs out , i was stupid back then and was not aware of the concequences , it eventually kept spreading all over my face , and now when i was 16 my whole face was covered with Blackheads and whitheads + damaged skin barrier , i would describe it as the most diabolical face ever , like i could never look into the mirror at points , i would just find ways to clear it out trying all the home remedies and none of them would work .

Its not like my facial structure is bad , i have have sharp jawline and average looking guy , but the blackheads marks / active blackhead , melasma around my nose area made me look horrendous ,

I was not able to take selfies with my friends , i always used to hide from the cameras , some of my friends started taunting me that , you should stop m*sturbating , which i never did untill i was in 11th Grade ( clg tbh ) , life had been depressing since 9th class , i was not able to enjoy any functions at school or you say even at My family functions , i was not able to wear good cloths because , my outfit would be fire but when i looked at mirror , i would get the reality check quick and , i would remove it soon because i dont want to be the centre of attraction or be noticed by someone , i always used to be scared of making eye contact with anyone be it girls/boys/ even my own cousins , sisters , i always used to be insecure

I had crush on one of the girl during my school time , but i always used to feel low in confident to tell her how much i loved her , ofc she wont love me because someone with this horrendous face will never be loved and she was pretty tbh and had many other guys , i wont lie but i have a very good personality ( what you call is the sense to talk to them and all but at the end of the day it all boils down to the LOOKS , Some say looks are not as important , but its not , i have seen people reject me because of my look , they dont even talk to me thinking i am some kind of creep / basically judge based on the looks

Inside i am nice guy who would listen to your problem , i was want to live life like all my friends , all of them have someone to talk , All the problem i mentioned during 9th 10th is constant for now too ,

But now its 2× , i have horrendous face , Absoultely damaged skin barrier , gets Oily as soon as i wash my face , melasma around mouth area , blackheads / whiteheads all over face , open pores on cheeks which looks horrendous when face gets oily , Extremely uneven skin tone , like all my body have even skin tone , but it is just my face , which looks like someone replaced it with some other face , i wish sometimes i was faceless

All my friends and cousins have some love story to share with me everytime they meet me , from 16year old to 24 year old , all of them have something to share with me about thier love life , where as on the other hand , i have been lonely all my life , i had no female interaction all my life , i have never hold hands of a girl , never felt the touch of any female all my life , i had no girlfriend / not even a female friend till date with whom i can share things , i have to live this very depressing lonely life , i have no one to blame but me , during my clgs days i never used to go for Malls/Picnic/treks as friends used to call me , but due to this ugly face i used to avoid any gathering , i know at this age i should not be concerned with this issue but i cant , man i deserve a good face , i look average but i always wanted to have that clear skin just one time in my life ,

I also want to enjoy like others I also want to wear shoes ( redtape / and all etcs ) I also want to take selfies with friends / family / cousins I also want to talk to females without any insecurity I also want to feel good looking at the mirror I also want to feel handsome I also want to go to functions / treks all dressed up

But i guess , i have to accept the fate that i would never in my life look good , in few months ( 4-5 ) i would turn 24 , i dont care about jobs and all because i can manage all that stuffs , but the face , this completely destroyed me , i am so much in pain , i sometimes cry , but never tell anyone as all my friends have clear skin and no one would understand the dept of the topic, i wish sometime i had a clear skin , i never had friends (just 2-3 close ones which i meet twice a month or once a month ) , now i am just siting in my emtpy house , no one to listen , no one to talk , this pain will never end

I went to dermatologist , she suggested me tretinion 0.05% used it for like 6months , Zero Fking changes , althought it increase the cell turnover and some dead skins were removed from surface but , that was not enough , i stopped using that , i started healthy diet , 3-4lts of water , fruits and vegies , home made food , Mositurizers / sunscreens ( applying 2-3 times a day ) , cleaning pillows / towels every 3 days , along with some serums like Niaciamide / salicylic acid serum for Blackheads whiteheads and alpha arbutin for melasma and dark spots , i was not using these 3 serums at once , i used to used them one time at night alrenate days , on monday SA , on tuesday Nia and wed Alpha arbutin , I was at absoulte strict diet from 20 november 2024 to today 20Jan 2025 , no outside food all home. Made clean food , exercising , lots of fruits and vegetables , basically everything , Chia seeds / pumkin seeds / Oats Bars home made / moringa powder / amla juice ( fresh homemade ) / himalyan pink salt / omega3 capsules etc , i used to eat 2-3 fruits ever single day Banana / apple / ornages / grapes , but after all this efforts

I see ZERO changes , when i look into the mirror , Sometimes i things maybe god dont want me to look good

I feel embarassed , depressed , looking at mirror , now and now i have given up all the hopes that i would look good , i dont need someone in my life , i am happy by myself but i hate my face so much , they say love yourself , but i hate one person thats me , i hate myself so much , no one distrubs my inner peace more than me ,

My message for you reading / ( brother / sister ) please take care of your skin , please , if you have clear skin , please one time be grateful in life , i know i have over exagerated this too much but please , be gratefull and keep praying to god , thank him for giving u clear skin , and for those teens (15-20-22) or any age , please dont pop your pimple/blackheads , please i request u , after 8 years i still have those marks on me , and still regret my actions

In some years i would get married and i eventually fear that i would not get married beacuse of how bad i look , like no one would kiss on my cheeks tbh , i know some girls dont judge but , there is something which i call inner feeling ( i feel insecure by myself ) this pain shall never end 💔

I kept attacking from everthing i had from good skin care routine , good diet , workout , everything which i lacked years back because i had no money back then , but now i am earning , still no changes

Zero man Zero

This will never end , i have to live like this

Its just formality that i am eating clean diet / working out / having skincare routine , i am not expecting results from this , just for sake of discipline and consistency , i am dead inside and outside , wish i had a normal life

~ bye - 20th Jan 2025

Thanks for reading :) ,