fuck this pandemic

ansakit na nasasabi ko ngayon na “i used to be included there”, “i used to be at the top”, “i used to be excellent”, “i used to be really good and passionate at this”.

ngayon wala. nasa baba na ako. i feel so useless and unimportant. i feel so small. i used to be this big person na malaki yung potential. laging included. ngayon, i’m a mere commoner.

this pandemic fucked me up. this pandemic put me in this mental state. or maybe, some will say, i did this to myself. but imagine being in a toxic environment. is it my fault?

imagine being so unmotivated and incapacitated because everything you hear in you supposed “home” gets to your head and fucks it up? imagine having nowhere to go, stuck in this hole with people telling u to do your best when in fact, sagad na sagad ka na.

kapagod. dapat ako yung nandun eh. dapat kasali ako sa mga nasa taas. kung di lang sa pandemic na to.