Wondering if any smaller people here play tug with their large dogs. Advice/suggestions?

My 11 month old Pit Bull mix recently discovered a LOVE for tug, but he is much stronger than I am. We have the basic commands down for the game already (take, hold, tug, and out) and he is great at not getting my hands. I’m trying to figure out how to safely play with him, and looking for any resources/suggestions.

I’ll put a TLDR at the bottom, because this is a little long and I apologize!

I worry I’m going to get criticized here because I haven’t watched any videos about how to play tug with my dog and really haven’t read much about it (other than basic safety reading on how to tug.) My dog and I basically just came up with our own rules to the game together. I didn’t actually know that there were supposed to be rules for awhile, but recently saw a post on here and learned there is WAY more to tug than I realized.

Right now, this is how we play: We start by me holding the tug between both hands and he sits, I say “take”, he puts it in his mouth, then I give a “back and forth” and say “tug”, and…it’s on.

He always wins the first round, and the first round is when he REALLY is tugging. I let go of the tug at an appropriate time (so he doesn’t go flying) and say “you win!” He then re-engages (has it in his mouth and walks back for me to grab it) but kinda half-asses it, I say “out” and he lets go. Then back to REAL tug, which he will win. He’s stronger than I am (obviously, he’s a dog, I’m a 115 pound short woman and he’s about 75 pounds now) so I really can’t fully engage with him when he’s actually trying. His mouth did slip today on the toy and I won during the first round, and I could see he thought about trying to grab it without permission, but stopped himself, which I think is good. I also always say “tug, tug, good boy, tug” when we are playing. He makes intense eye contact with me too, not sure if that’s normal.

Right now it works pretty well for us, but I wanted to make sure I’m not way off base with the game. It’s by far the most physical I’ve ever been with a dog. I never played tug with my dogs growing up, we always had dogs that just played fetch. He’s not really a fetch guy though, so this one is new to me. We do flirt pole as well, but he just LOVES tug.

With the two handed tug toys, he always tugs and bites right in the middle. If he wants to play tug with one of his other toys (he always wants to play tug with his stuffed crinkle pink duck) he sometimes pushes into me or is bumping against my arm. I don’t love this because his mouth is just too close to my arm and I don’t really understand what game he’s trying to play, so right now I usually disengage and/or redirect to fetch with the duck. Is it normal for dogs to push into you during tug though?

I’m also wondering if any smaller people have successfully taught their dog to be a little more gentle with tugging. I’m genuinely sore from our session outside today. He does understand how to be more gentle with it (as evidenced by second round when he knows I’m going to say “out”) but I’m not sure how to “name” that for him. It’s just a weird understanding we have between ourselves, and wouldn’t transfer if he played with anyone else. Should I also be alternating when I say “out” so it’s more random? He will “out” the flirt pole now immediately when I tell him, regardless how amped he is, but it took awhile to get there.

We typically do about four rounds of tug (so 2 “real” tugging, 2 fake tugging/practicing out command) then a quick “decompression game” a previous trainer taught us, where he has to lay with his full body/head on the ground and let out a deep sigh. If he “huffs” quickly, it doesn’t count. It’s a quick and easy way to keep him from getting over aroused, since I know the game has the potential to push him past his limits pretty quickly if I don’t monitor where he’s at. If he can settle easily and his pupils aren’t huge, we can play again. If he’s got crazy eyes (that’s his tell - big pupils means over threshold and it’s time to be done) I do some scatter feeding with treats in the yard for him to sniff out, and we can chill outside, but I put away the toys. We always do 30 minutes of “place” on his elevated bed inside after any physical exercise as well.

We currently have a fantastic balanced trainer. I am sure I could ask him these questions as well, and I was debating purchasing the Michael Ellis video. We are VERY tight on money right now though, so figured I’d come to Reddit and see if there was any advice.

I’m open to changing how we do this, or not doing it at all if tug doesn’t seem appropriate based on what I shared. I have read some dogs shouldn’t play tug, but I haven’t found any sources on what kind of dogs shouldn’t play, or reasons why they shouldn’t play tug.

I apologize for the length, and appreciate any advice or suggestions!

TLDR: I’m a small woman trying to play tug with my Pit Bull. I’m wondering if others have had success teaching their dog to be a little more gentle when tugging. I’m not strong enough to hold on for very long. I wrote down our “rules” to the game, and how we decompress during/after. I am wondering what the actual rules of tug should be. I also have questions about why some people say “certain dogs shouldn’t play tug” and I am wanting to understand more about that statement.