i feel like a ‘fake’ and i gaslight myself

hello! i’m new to the POTS community. I am also currently going through the diagnostic period for EDS and MCAS.

overall my symptoms and flares are can be drastically different. one week i could do cartwheels and go jumping on trampolines and feel okay- just fatigued… but other weeks a simple outing makes me so anxious and awful that it’s debilitating.

the chronic fluctuation makes me feel so.. fake? i’m not sure how to explain it. when i feel ok i gaslight myself that i was being dramatic about the whole thing. i will tell myself that im just trying to be sick and get attention… (this is obviously not the case because i would never fake being sick or chronically ill, as i’ve seen so many people go through it)

i think im just having a really hard time coming to terms with all these diagnoses and potentially new ones. i overall am beating myself up for having a good health week this week.. im just unsure why my symptoms fluctuate so much :( it makes me feel anxious lol!

has anyone else felt like this? i hope i explained it okay. i’m sorry if i was confusing or weird at all!