Head over heels for a senior

There is this girl in my university who is her final semester while I am in the 6th. We happen to be in different departments. In the past few months I have developed a significant liking for her to point where it has now become a burden on me.

To make matters worse, she is in a relationship. I am quiet reserved which is probably getting in the way of even striking a conversation. Added to that I think she is way out of my league(whatever that means). I often find myself practicing how to smile in the mirror but I completely phase out when I make eye contact with her.

I try to look my level best just so she notices me, but is probably oblivious of my existence. She has me in her charm and I have never felt this way before.

The last I felt something similar for a woman, I ended up writing a journal everyday for more than two years straight(as if I was talking to her). The intensity is much higher this time and this scares me.

Just today, I had the perfect opportunity to talk to her as she was sitting alone on the benches right next to me. But I didn't. This made me very angry and guilty. I will probably never gather the courage to do so. She might think I am weirdo. I just want someone to talk to me. Someone to show some interest in me and have meaningful talks with. I want to experience how it feels to be loved. Need someone to joke and play around with. I am probably the biggest obstacle in my way. And struggling academically makes everything so much worse.

I thought about directly confessioning to her anonymously just get this burden off my chest. I don't expect nothing from her. She is in a relationship and I don't plan to sabotage it(not that I can). The dynamics are not suitable either. She will graduate this year and so I can't do much about it. After I recollected my thoughts, I decided not confess to her as it will make matters worse for the both of us and will creep her out.

My head is all over place. Sorry for wasting your time. I can sense the critisim and it's fine. I will probably look back on this post in a few years and cringe at myself.

Thanks