How to help my oldest?

I (43f) have an almost 5 year old. He is, and always has been, very high energy. He literally doesn’t stop.

He’s kind hearted, generous and loving. He’s also quick to temper, impulsive and doesn’t think the rules apply to him (fairly normal four year old stuff).

In august we had another baby, one my oldest was very excited about and is still very happy to have as an addition to our family. He LOVES being a big brother.

But since baby was born the cracks have begun to to show.

He cries more often than before and at seemingly very small things, he also regressed a little, needing help with his shoes and coat and seatbelt. Again, all normal and expected.

What’s more worrying is that he insists on telling me he loves me every 5 minutes. He wants kisses and cuddles all the time too. Lovely, but not possible when I’m breastfeeding or taking care of the baby.

At bed time he only wants me, not his dad. In the shower, he wants me, not his dad (dad has always done shower time).

I try to make sure he has lots of one in one time and I tell him every day that he’s loved, that he’s special and important. It’s not enough. It’s never enough and I’m only one person.

I know he’s craving the one on one attention he used to get and thankfully he doesn’t show any resentment towards baby but it’s getting worse.

If we’re playing he fakes laughter because he thinks that what I want from him. He is exhibiting off and over the tip behaviour, fake smiles etc.

Right now it’s rough because baby is a bit poorly and won’t sleep well at night, but my eldest keeps coming to my room to show me a toy or a pretty necklace or chit chat. It’s my only time to sleep and if I can’t sleep, I’m a grumpy irritable horrible monster.

If I’m trying to clean up to make space to play with him he is constantly interrupting me and making mess and purposefully acting up for attention and I can’t seem to male him understand that if he just let me do my jobs them I’d be able to dedicate my focus on him in a better way rather than in bits and drabs.

I want him to feel secure in his place in our family and to understand that we love him but everything we do leads to more insecurities on his part. I don’t know what to do.