Failure to Launch

Hi

I am a bio-parent (50M) in a blended family. As a part of my divorce, my son (21M) was significantly influenced by my ex-wife against me. Due to this my influence on him is related.

Over the course of last 3 years, he has been struggling in his studies at university. He has decided to take a some time off from university and will be staying with me. I am pretty sure that his behavior is developing into a "Failure to launch" case. He does not seem to have any motivation to continue to study or to improve his health.

His mother has given him a large chunk of money from our divorce, so he is not financially dependent at this point (but will be once he exhausts his money).

I tried to engage in conversation on his health and studies last July. I followed the conversation with a letter. After the letter he decided to stop contact with me for few months and went back to his mother. His mother is HCBM and I do not have any direct contact with her. She also does not want to challenge him to improve his health and/or his studies.

Due to this episode, I am also worried to have conversation with him - he may not like something and then will simply decide to go back to his mother (and hence I will loose the progress).

I worked hard to bring him here at hom and since he is at home, I wanted to ask this group on how I should parent him, so that I can influence a change in his behavior.

I want to emphasize that my only goal is for him to be healthy (mentally and physically) and he be able to have a job and not be dependent. This is really not about time spent with me or his mother. I would be happy if he cuts the contact with me, but be OK - at least it meets what I need for him.

My fiancé does not like him, so she is of limited help. Her biggest worry is that she thinks that I will provide for him forever and it comes in a way.

Thanks