So confused

I feel like my relationship is nearing its end and I hate it. I absolutely hate it.

For so long I was able to cry at everything, at the thoughts of her leaving me, me leaving her, thoughts of loosing our memories together, of me being without her and so on.

Thinking of these things always made me cry, and when I cried I knew that it meant I didnt want to leave her, so the urges to leave were just that, urges.

After sometime, I cry very little now. I feel sad, but I cant cry, even when looking at pictures of her, us, remembering our memories, I dont cry, I feel almost numb.

Now when I think about her, holding her, hugging her, kissing her, anything I feel anxious.

It feels like I no longer like her, or care for her and I hate it, all because I cant cry.

Im not sure if drinking near black out has caused me to feel this way or what. But I just want my feelings to come back. For it all to be normal again.