am i forcing myself??

I know forcing yourself is doing something you don’t want to do but what if i’m forcing myself to love my boyfriend or to accept him for who he is when the little voice is telling me “no you don’t love him or no you don’t want to kiss him or no you don’t accept him, his jokes are so mean even though he doesn’t mean any of his jokes you can’t trust him”? I’m stuck in a loop of do I really want him or am i forcing myself to believe that i do? 😓