Problems with a relationship

I want to start off by saying this is really hard for me to talk about. But I want to talk about it here because I know this sub is very understanding. I’ve already talked to my parents a lot about this too but they don’t really understand what I’m asking.

So about 6 months ago a guy I was talking to at work randomly asked me to go on a date with him. I do like this guy. He was my friend before that and he is also autistic and very respectful. So I said yes, and we’ve been on a few more dates since then. Here’s the problem though. I don’t know exactly how to explain this, but I just can’t tell if I love this guy. I’ve always heard that there is a difference between liking someone as a friend and loving them. Up until now, I have never dated or loved someone, so I think that’s a bit of it.

I feel like I’m supposed to be all excited to talk when he texts me, but all I ever feel is upset. I don’t even know what type of upset, but it makes me not want to answer. There’s days where I almost wish he never worked with me so this whole thing wouldn’t have happened. But then there’s also days where I do enjoy talking to him. It changes a lot.

I literally cannot tell how I feel about this guy. Everyone’s description of being in love I’ve heard so far doesn’t match what I feel. I really feel anxiety around him more than anything.

The guy I’m talking to obviously wants to have a more serious relationship with me. And wants more than what I’m giving so far. But honestly even talking to him is hard sometimes. I don’t know if I could ever do any more.

The biggest problem though is that he’s so kind and respectful. Not only would saying I don’t love him absolutely destroy him, it would probably upset everyone at my work and my parents. I really feel like I have no choice here in the end. That’s the hardest part. So I’m just hoping that I’ll start developing love for him soon. I’m really hoping I just need to see him more to feel that way. Like instead of falling in love instantly I have to develop it because I was sheltered my whole life up until now. I don’t know what to do at this point though. Thinking about the future makes me cry at this point.