Nifedipine Overdose.

I (29f) have turned to binge drinking four nights a week for the last year to get some relief from my anxiety disorders. I have generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, autism and agoraphobia. My bf is refusing to get me more alcohol and I get absolutely irate. He has refused me alcohol two times now and I scream and yell at him, pull his arm and shake him to try to get my way. I get terrifyingly angry. Well, that’s what happened tonight. I’m a shit person. My escape from constant terror and anxiety that I have struggled through my entire life was alcohol. It has turned me into a monster-a person that I no longer recognize. My boyfriend is scared of me. He’s done. I feel so much shame. My mental illness has crippled me my entire life and I find this damaging, addicting poison that cures it all but it wrecks my life all that same. There is no escape. I’m fucked either way. I have nifedipine and Klonopin in my medicine cabinet. I can’t exist in this world anymore.