religion is my last straw

literally every aspect of my life is ruined bc of my religion. i feel like i’ve been heavily brainwashed bc i can’t imagine living as an atheist, it’ll be as if i lost all purpose in life. i can only see people as believers or non-believers and that alone is enough to drive me insane. i don’t belong anywhere. my dad’s a pastor and i know i won’t ever be accepted for who i am because of this stupid religion. simply existing feels like i’m committing a sin. like dude what the fuck. i’ve tried getting therapy but it’s no use bc already i’m too brainwashed to change. i’m never going to be able to live freely and the only person i can blame for this is me