weedshrek abnimal 15

sup pervos, its time for me to self harm again for your amusement

this one is called covert cops and is the third episode with a title that means essentially the same thing. because they still haven't fucking infiltrated this place.

the description is basically riffing off the same stuff as the last two as well, because on top of the glacial pace, there's been zero new developments in the premise, so there's nothing to fucking say except they're still trying to infiltrate the not-cops to talk to darnet for no reason because that's not actually the reason they came here.

pcrf still being linked at the bottom and, again, don't get me wrong its good to promote palestinian aid, but like, how fucking liberal to only start now. whatever. better than nothing - the mcelroy motto

  • song, etc
  • also actually this episode title makes no sense because they aren't infiltrating actual cops, they're a private enforcement agency
  • the very first words out of travis's mouth: we return to the action
  • and we say travis can't be funny
  • a quick reference to the 1996 film "the stupids"
  • remember when they dunked on clint for making a footloose reference or whatever that's much more culturally relevant than the stupids (1996)
  • mention that bug hall is a piece of shit (true)
  • still losing it at last week's episode description saying a maze of cubicles and travis explicitly saying this is an open bullpen now
  • i got back into cine2nerdle battle, they've revamped the system and i like it again
  • wish i were playing that instead of listening to this
  • i'm not like, a vent expert, but six feet off the ground is a weird height for a vent, right? you usually put them at floor level or else at ceiling level to keep it out of the eyeline.
  • for no discernible in-world reason, seal whispers to squidmark that he's being sold out by the eel in the other interrogation room. i know that seal is in the coat rack in the open bullpen but sure. fuck it.
  • griffin rolls a mixed on, i guess, convincing squidmark, which means that squidmark "doesn't really buy the sentient coatbot hacked by the walrus thing, but he's up in arms about the idea that he's being sold out"
  • this is both not a consequence and completely nonsensical. i am wasting precious minutes of my life on this
  • fucking awesome justin tries to destroy the camera that they had just hacked, that travis reiterated at the start of this episode that they had just hacked, king of smoking bongs and not paying attention to the game
  • oh great they remembered gold seal is supposed to be making a ruckus we'll just ignore how last episode he was with them i guess. who fucking cares.
  • clint is doing the worm, don't worry about it, but he rolls 2 successes, and travis says he "becomes the worm" and that navy and lyle are momentarily confused because they don't recognize him because he's so convincingly worm-like he looks like a worm man. i wonder what a cowabunga on this roll would look like.
  • it has been 10 minutes and they've actually made exactly zero progress forward. they are in the same place they were for the entirety of last episode.
  • wait
  • what
  • now travis is roleplaying the coatbot. who i guess is real? there's an actual robotic coatrack that they used???
  • this is not funny
  • the adbreak is at 13 minutes????????
  • oh they REALLY need to make sure people stay long enough for the ads huh
  • sorry clubhouse happens every tuesday at noon est? so 9 pst? on a tuesday? i absolutely know deep in my bones this was picked because its a time they all have free from childcare, but god do they hate their listeners with jobs huh
  • noooooo they got clint doing the maxfun member of the month ads
  • "a lot of these podcasts have been there for me when i was feeling alone or sad" god that's bleak. like cope however you need to to make it out of those dark times but what a testament to the alienated lives we live under capitalism. podcasts, my best friends, my human connections. fucked culture. fucked society.
  • shoutout to the standup comedy podcast that just told you what their show was about and when it uploads and then ended the ad
  • this fucking rules, they're discussing how best to go about finding the evidence they're looking for in this room, and griffin is like, "well we could solid snake it", referring to the three boxes near them. justin wants to just beat up the two guys in this room instead, and clint then pipes up and suggests instead, that he get under one of the boxes and move around like that.
  • travis: sometimes the dice tell a story
  • oh fuck yes that first roll was just for getting into the box he's gonna make clint roll a second one for moving
  • clint rolls three 7s on this one and griffin once again says "that's gotta mean something" and the more he says this the more annoyed i get with him because that's not how fucking rules work, you establish the rules before you start playing you fucking fuck
  • clint says he wants to poke a small hole in the box with his horn so he can see out, and then says "surely that doesn't cost a move" lol
  • yo where's that guy who insisted the rules to this game were clear, because travis just said "with that triple 7 you are in a position to hold a move" and its so fucking clear from his tone that he's making this up on the spot
  • fucking wild that griffin's pulled out joke name, ringo dingo, was instantly funnier than every tortured pun name travis has been coming up with, including the fly guy who is watching the security monitors, that are located inside the evidence digitization room, for some reason, flyvin
  • the way seal says that red tape is around his neck choking the life out of him and this great country makes me feel like part of the reason griffin is always so on edge is because he knows travis is a libertarian and he's worried about getting cancelled over it
  • in a classic example of mcelroy roleplay, griffin tries to get flyvin out of the room by mentioning there are vegan muffins upstairs. travis says yes, AND, actually no, flyvin only likes sugar water. so we spend another 30 seconds of time so lyle can shout "whoa they got sugar water here too!"
  • oh my fucking god now flyvin is like "can't leave the monitors unattended" and when seal volunteers to do it for him he says "i thought you were sent down here to do digitization"
  • zero rolls called btw
  • fucking thank you justin for saying hey dipshits roll some dice about it
  • for a full success, griffin gets "i'll go, but only for a little sip, i'll be right back"
  • justin being like "well before we do some stuff with the computer, maybe dad should get a chance to do something with goshua" lmao its like guiding a six year old to the right answer
  • griffin announced a super mega ultra cowabunga, because he got two 8s, making me flip back again to thinking that double 8s aren't even more special than a regular cowabunga mechanically
  • i'm sorry
  • travis says that eel patrick harris has been marked to go to "governor's island" which is like a gated community that is also a maxsec prison, and also where killdeath retired to. a, that's a fucking terrible name, like, actual prisons sound cooler than this (rikers), and also fictional prisons sound cooler than this (bell rev).
  • but THEN, he says that "unlike a traditional gated community, this one is designed to keep people in"
  • oh wait i figured this out. he's trying to do prison but he knows prison is bad on twitter, so its gonna be a prison but its nice
  • oh i was gonna let it slide that it makes no sense that the one guy who was cooperating would be the guy sent to max, but griffin also points it out and travis says "it is curious, i agree" because obviously killdeath is doing something nefarious over there
  • ok i missed how this information was delivered, it was a printed notification? that gets sent to the camera guy? what?
  • 10 minutes left i can do this
  • oh my god travis is so stupid
  • travis: i just want to take a step back here, and say that i love being the zookeeper, because, like two and a half episodes ago, you guys were like, i know, we'll go in and apologize to him. and like, that was the plan, that you guys established. and now that you're here, you're like, i know, i'll taze this man unconscious
  • putting aside the fact that pivots often happen in heists, it could not have been more clear that this was a lie they were using to get past the front desk and not the full plan for obtaining the evidence. like, what the fuck. an impressive level of stupidity.
  • travis: talking is a free action
    • they aren't in combat
    • this isn't dnd
    • they literally do not have actions they're called moves and skills!!!!
  • clint is getting an extra 2d8 on this roll because he has the element of surprise?? stupid fucking dnd ass game. the element of surprise is actually a great conditional gate for a move in ptba, but it would be tied to an actual class move that you'd purchase, not just be a free floating trigger state because ptba is not fucking dnd fuck i hate this
  • "this is your training, your abs, so give me 3d8" yeah sure whatever
  • justin gets a mixed to grapple goshua, which means he "has a hand on him and a tentative control of the situation" i never want the mcelroys to play a mixed success system ever again. go back to ignoring how dnd works you fucks
  • 7 minutes left fuck
  • goshua became a not-cop because he idolized the greenback guardians, a vigilante group
  • also i am actually quite curious to see how the walter russell/walrus thing breaks down, because goshua just said its impossible, walter is a beloved philanthropist who only helps the city, and like, that is also kingpin's cover, and it would make sense that walter is the walrus, but also travis loves to subvart for the sake of subvarting, BUT he also loves to get cookies for being woke, and billionaire are bad. two wolves situation, no idea who wins out.
  • travis slipped up and said d6 instead of d8 again lol
  • the other item that was taken was a tape of the pilot of "the real greenback guardians", an animated show
  • "the only way out is through the holding cells"
  • why the fuck would those be connected to the evidence room
  • who fucking cares the episode is over thank god

well tune in for next week where they'll definitely still be stuck in this stupid fucking building