Grateful for this medicine. Never give up on yourself!

I had two booster infusions recently after not having any for three months. There was a bit of stress over a payment issue beforehand, the anxiety from which affected my feelings and perceptions during the infusion and left me feeling crummy. Then the next day, there was a lot of tension from a family member when I was still recovering from the infusion. I was worried it was all a waste of money and that I wouldn't feel any better.

Well, reflecting on things a few weeks later, I've definitely benefited. My mood and motivation have improved, and the dark ruminations have gone away. My loved ones notice a difference. I talk more, I'm engaged, I laugh. I've been so productive with doing things I need to. I'd been feeling really bad for a few months there, and within a matter of days, it had improved. I'm going to start trying to trust that the infusions will help regardless, because that's been my experience so far. In the beginning it was more instantaneous, but over time, it seems to kind of develop over a period of days following IV.

Ketamine has changed my life. I'm finally digging through my problems and beginning to turn things around, starting from when I first tried ketamine a year ago. And trust me, I was rock bottom, not functional. I truly believe it's saved me, not being dramatic. I still have depression and still have a way to go, but I'm making huge progress and am starting to think maybe I can have an okay life one day. Hopefully I'll start taking classes again later this year! And I'm in the screening process for a psilocybin trial right now, which I'm hoping I'm approved for. (It would definitely save me and my family money on treatments and care vs ketamine.)

I've been struggling with severe depression for ~25 years. It's been extremely debilitating despite a ton of meds and TMS. If you'd told me in 2021 at the height of the worst episode of my life that today I'd feel the way I do in this moment, I wouldn't have believed you. I couldn't imagine still being alive, nevermind feeling okay. Really thought I'd feel intense stress and suffering every moment of every day forever. I just want to offer hope to people that this despair you feel CAN change. What works will differ from person to person, and even ketamine won't work for everyone, but my point is: There is hope. Just don't give up, even if all you can do is keep from drowning. Backsliding happens too, but just trust in the fact that change is a constant and the narrative of a depressed brain isn't reliable. It can get better than you think! Hang in there folks. We're all in this together here.