Im so cooked

Goodbye brothers, I am getting sepped for a failed urinalysis. I hate that I did what I did, I just couldn’t stay clean. I’m a pussy and that’s that. I didn’t have an addiction. I was just being soft and weak minded on leave. I deserve everything I get from this because I made a stupid fucking choice and chose to smoke weed.

Idk where I go from here. My EAS is in about 3 months, I have no savings for an apartment. I don’t know how to tell my parents, my siblings, or even if I have the heart to tell them. All I ever heard from them was “I’m so glad you joined the marine corps” and “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come”. I don’t even want to go back home because the people I will surround myself with that aren’t family will take me back into that trap with them.

God I’m such a fucking idiot, why did I do this to myself?

I knew too. I knew if I went back home and if I went to hang out with the same people, I would fall back into the same old shit with them. That’s why I didn’t go home for 5 fucking years. But the second I do, I light up? wtf is wrong with me.