i hate myself so much

i hate everything about me, everything dude. my voice, my face, my nose, my eyes, my personality, everything. i hate who i am or who i have become, im a terrible horrible person, im not close with my brother, not close with my father, not close with my mother, not close with any friend that won't see me different if i open up, i try my hardest to understand other people nobody tries to understand me, it's like im not meant to be close with anyone, i cant talk about my emotions it feels so weird, talking about it anonymously feels so much better, i hate how i become when i become too comfortable with my friends, it's like everyone hates me, everyone, it's like im against everyone else, ik if its like this its my fault but i dont know what i do, my brother hates me, my father hates me, my mother hates me and i fear so do my friends, i hate how i feel alone no matter where i am, at home, at school, public places? i hate it so much, i want to end it all, it doesnt feel worth fighting against, i hate it all so much, why cant life be less complicated honestly, i hate this so so much, i want an end, i dont think so it gets better, when me and my mom reconcile, we still the next day fight, its like a never ending loop, she doesnt want to listen to me, i hate being a bad person and i hate how i can not change no matter what i try, i want to ghost everyone and just work on myself but it won't work. its like watering a dead plant. my chest hurts so bad, i hate it all so much. i hate how im just complaining rn, i dont know what to do. i feel so alone and isolated and i fucking hate myself for everything.