ADHD and momhood fears

I’m not a mom yet but I’d like to be one day.

Right now, it’s embarrassing for me to admit this, but I’ve been struggling with my ADHD my whole life. I always knew I needed help but I was a “gifted” kid. Elementary and middle school were easy, without trying I soared. High school was rough, I never learned how to prioritize or manage my time and energy. When I moved out and was a legal adult, that’s when I finally got diagnosed with ADHD.

It’s been closer to a decade after I graduated and I’m still learning how to manage my time and energy, but I did learn prioritizing and being realistic with goals. I took a break from college but I’m back in college as a full time student, full time employee and I love by myself so all housekeeping is absolutely on me. On the bright side, my diagnosis and post covid academia has made my life so much easier. I get accommodations that help me score better on tests and online classes being more plentiful means I get to fidget, take notes, read outlined, etc and not interrupt others learning.

But man it’s a lot. Meal prepping, doing dishes, exercising at least 2x a week, proper hygiene, staying in top of 12 credit hours so it’s more like 24+ hours a week, going to work 35-42hr/wk and I’m a day care provider so you know I’m bringing home work too and then to maintain a social life and being a present family member??? It’s all so much. I know it’s my responsibility and no one else’s but I find myself jaded that I didn’t get time to master some of this time/energy management when I was in high school. I feel like I would’ve done more if I got the diagnosis and had those resources available to me but my mom is too…. narcissistic tbh…to admit her child could have a learning disability. Now I’m an adult with so much more and it’s so much more!! Plus, I’m 25 and still don’t know how to drive because for some reason my parents refuse to teach any of their children to drive, none of my friends have car insurance, and I can’t find a night shift job because they all require a drivers license in my area!!!

I know I’m making strides. I know I’m getting there. My friend with insurance takes me 1/week, shooting for a license by end of the year and buying a used car by April 2025. I’m back in school so I’ll have my associates by and of 2025. I’m learning I need to do all my “high energy chores” before work Hebei’s I won’t have the energy after. I meal prep and freeze left overs every weekend so that takes cooking and some dishes out during the week. I know I’m making progress. It’s just frustrating to not be successful yet.

And I want to be a mom one day. I met someone who was an ADHD mom and she was struggling. It’s most likely in her choice of partner and number of kids (her husband was the “provider” even though they both went to work and she described herself as a married, single mom of 5 kids). But I’m worried that that could be me if I don’t keep making changes to overcome my time/energy management.

I don’t want to start meds either. I wanted them so bad as a kid before I was diagnosed but then there was a shortage and so many perks went into withdrawals. I don’t want that for myself.

Do you have ADHD? What do you do to win the day?