Obsessing over past friendships?

I feel like I lose so many friendships. I think I’ve more enemies than friends and I don’t want enemies. I just struggle grieving them. I miss certain ones specifically so much I feel like no one really likes me. I want to be likable, and I want to be different, but even when I try to change myself I feel like nothing really changes. I still make mistakes and people treat me like I’m disposable. I don’t want to go back to college. No one really likes me there.