This sub is a life changer

Maybe the title is a little dramatic but I found this sub a few days ago and have never felt more validated in my life.

I have my first ever gynecology appointment tomorrow and I'm terrified. It should be just talking about birth control and how to make my periods less agonizing but I'm so terrified she's going to go "actually since you're here let's just do all those invasive tests yippee". Frankly what I want is a hysterectomy, I have PCOS and while it won't solve the hormonal issues it will take care of the excruciating periods which is the biggest problem. However I will probably have to fight for it because I'm young even though I am dead set on never wanting to be pregnant or give birth. I've been trying to convince myself I wanted to since I was FIVE and it was only a year or two ago that I realized if I had to convince myself I didn't actually want it. If I want to be a parent that badly there's plenty of kids in the adoption system. My mom is going with me and she mentioned she wanted to figure out ways to "accommodate me" going forwards so I'm a little worried she won't fight with me when I refuse exams or ask for a hysterectomy. I absolutely do not want an IUD or the implant because those look barbaric and don't want them shoved in and cut out every 3-5 years, sounds worse than my periods. I know there are risks obviously but compared to birth they sound manageable. Basically I've looked at all the options and a hysterectomy is what I want. I frankly don't really care about the hormone issues, I'm genderfluid so I don't mind the facial hair.

Anyway on another woman based sub (badwomen's anatomy) I was kind of blown away by an experience I had there. There was a post about a book of cervixes? Or a guide on how to see yours and frankly I was weirded out by it. Personally don't understand why you would want to see something that isn't meant to be seen but other people thought it was cool. Under my comment though someone mentioned that I would eventually need cervical exams anyway which I was thrown off by. I mean... nothing seems remotely appealing about having a metal tool invented 300 years ago by a maniac who tortured enslaved women shoved into a place that's never even seen a tampon and then have the incredibly sensitive cervix SCRAPED. But the pushback I got was insane. I mentioned how I was an asexual virgin (maybe a little less asexual now but PIV sex is still not appealing to me) who got the HPV vaccine (and I have no family history of cervical cancer) and yet people dogpiled on me pulling up every reason under the sun for why I should get one. Including "well you can get STDs from dirty underwear" like ok?? That's very preventable, I shower and change my clothes?? I don't share or wear used underwear?? Anyway I just left the sub alone after that because it stressed me out, even though I really like the content on there and think it's fun. The actual gynecologists replying to me were nicer and less forceful than the random women aggressively INSISTING I needed one. It definitely did not help convince this 20 yo virgin who is already incredibly weary and scared of medical things to go get one. It was a little scary if I'm being honest and I don't know why they cared so much? Under other comments I've seen women say "go get one we want you here for a long time ❤️" and I honestly find that infuriating and patronizing. You don't know me, my life does not affect yours, don't pretend to care about me. Actually caring about me is recognizing I would leave the clinic traumatized and in pain for no reason. And yes I think these procedures WOULD traumatize me. Even if I changed my mind about PIV sex it would probably be ruined for me because I genuinely think I would end up with vaginismus afterwards. And this sub has now reaffirmed to me getting a pap would be pointless (and pap smear in itself just sounds so disgusting) and I am probably the least likely person to be at risk for cervical cancer. And honestly? I would rather have cancer then deal with these barbaric procedures. I don't give a single shit about these organs, all they have ever done for me is cause me pain. Removing them is the most effective cancer and pregnancy preventative. And I know what cancer does to people, I've watched my grandmother die from it in 2023. But if it's the only way I can get them removed, then so be it 🤷 I would actually like to donate my uterus to science or for transplant and sell my eggs. Only usefulness they'll have. Maybe they'll even help bring gynecology to the future.

That being said I appreciate all the sources and knowledge shared here, it's amazing. You guys are awesome. This sub has also given me the courage to fight and be as big of a pain in the ass as needed to protect my peace and autonomy. I'm hoping it won't be a big deal tomorrow but I feel prepared for the worst. I'll definitely be remembering these resources.

Thank you 🫶 Women's health is a barbaric medieval dumpster fire and we definitely deserve better

Btw I don't want anyone thinking my mom is abusive she booked me this appointment per recommendation of my doctor and endocrinologist and I have major social anxiety so I rarely book appointments myself, she still manages a majority of my health stuff 😭🙏 I'm at home still under her care because I haven't moved out yet, not because she's keeping me hostage I swear

Update 1: I just talked to my mom, night before appointment, asking why we were going again just to make sure both our intentions lined up. She said to talk about BC options for my heavy and painful periods. I then repeated I would be willing to do an exterior belly ultrasound and that's it, nothing else, I wouldn't even get undressed. MAYBE I'll do a breast exam as long as it isn't that machine that crushes them because that actually looks painful and damaging. But pants are staying ON 100%. She then said she has PTSD as well and that's why she chose this doctor (this is her gyno as well which is why she's going and no I don't find it weird that we're seeing the same gyno I prefer it over a complete stranger) and that she thinks she'll be a really good fit for me because she's patient and really nice. I read some Google reviews as well and it's a solid 5 stars, one even mentioned that she sat on the exam table while giving the reviewer her stool which is reassuring because I won't be going anywhere near that table. She also said they usually don't do internal stuff for younger patients anyway and I can just tell her I'm asexual. I also asked if we had a history of breast or cervical cancer and she said no so feeling more confident. I don't know much about breast cancer so I'm more open to those screenings but I'm certain cervical cancer will never be an issue for me. Even if I suddenly stopped being asexual I'm too much of a germaphobe to not take every possible measure to be safe anyway. She was a little annoyed with how panicked and ngl I was being a little hostile, and said if she knew I was going to freak out she would have just cancelled it. So lesson learned I really need to communicate more and I feel bad for ever doubting she wouldn't choose the best for me 🧍My anxiety is still high but I feel reassured now and hopefully tomorrow will be alright.