A Psychiatrist Told Me I'm Sane, Ex Cheated And Then Accused Me Of Faking Pregnancy

My ex and I broke up after I found out he had asked another woman out on a date just three hours after I told him I had a positive pregnancy test. The day before that, he told me we should break up because he needed space to focus on starting a business. He also said that we'd get back together once he had things settled. Given that, I had no reason to fake a pregnancy since I thought we were just taking a break, not ending things for good.

However, after I found out about the other woman and his lies, he claimed that he believed I faked the pregnancy. He had seen the positive tests. He never expressed any doubts about it until I confronted him about the cheating. He went around telling everyone that he never cheated on me (despite screenshotted evidence from other women he cheated with) and that the pregnancy was fake. My family and friends all tried to tell him the pregnancy was real, but he ignored them. He had even messaged them previously to complain about me and discuss giving my things back, but the minute anyone mentioned the pregnancy, he went completely radio silent. I tried to offer him more proof, but he ignored it. When I tried to offer his family proof, they didn't look at any of it and unadded me. I’ve been struggling with the lies and how dismissive he’s been.

Today I finally realized that I shouldn't care about him or others' misjudgments of me. I needed his support. Instead of showing up and going with me to the doctor's, he tried to scare me and told me to get an abortion. He didn't show up and my friends supported me instead. He tried to make my entire experience of finding out I was pregnant a battle about our relationship rather than just being supportive of the life that was within me. It was exhausting, it was stressful, and it was unneccessary. It shouldn't be too much to ask for a guy to show up when you have positive pregnancy tests and help figure out the situation with you. It should be bare minimum. I shouldn't have had to ask for support. I shouldn't have been ghosted and blocked on everything a month after the miscarriage left to wonder wtf happened. I shouldn't have had to exhaust myself trying to offer proof to someone who screwed me over and is committed to lying and acting decietful. That might be his MO, but it has never been mine. I was constantly dodging his mine fields when I should've been able to just focus on my pregnancy.

I guess you could say that he gaslit me a lot. There were times when he also was verbally and physically abusive. Yet I found myself trying to prove myself to him... when he has proven himself incapable of basic empathy.

I've been so sad and confused that I finally went to a psychiatrist today. She told me that I have no diagnosis, and I have to build self love and self trust. She said that I want better for my life but I don't believe better exists so I stay put in shitty situations. She said that I need to let go of trying to fix people who are problematic (like my ex). She said that I take criticism better than positive feedback and maybe thats why I stay with abusers because it feels normal for me. She told me I'm intelligent but I don't always believe that about myself because I don't trust my own judgement. She said I need to stop letting people put labels on me and just let myself be me.

At the end of the day, my ex made me feel crazy but a certified psychiatrist told me I'm not the problem. But she also told me I'm problematic to myself by staying with shitty men. There was something freeing about that in knowing that I'm not certifiably crazy like my ex tried to claim, but not freeing because I need to figure out what its like to be treated well in a relationship and idk what that would look like. How do you find something when you don't know what it looks like?