Is it time to end it?

I kind of stumbled on this section of Reddit trying to look for answers.... but was frightened to post as I don't need to be made to feel any worse than I already do...

I have been having an affair for just over a year now, we are both married. We have known each other for a long time, but only connected this way in our 50's.

It was the most wonderful thing for a good six months, the sex was incredible, there was an connection between us like I've never felt with anyone before, and I think that is why the sex was so good. We talked and messaged daily, the L bomb was dropped within 2 months and all of our communications were filled with love (and lust !) and it made us both feel incredible. I was prepared to leave my life to have one with him, but he made it clear that would never be an option (due to his financial situation at home), so I knew this to be the case but could not imagine a life without him any more so accepted it.

The last 6 months have been a struggle though, virtually all the loving messages etc have stopped, we bicker over the slightest thing and trust issues have set in, rich I know given what we are doing but we did promise to be exclusive to each other (aside from our actual partners). I just got this feeling he hasn't kept to our agreement and this started last summer when an STI occurred (him, I was clear) and he told me he must have caught it the month before we met up.

He slowly became very offhand with me since then, saying I am treating him like a husband, and that I am questioning what he is doing or where he is going, and that he doesn't need that. A few weeks back we met up, and he was going on up country to meet a friend afterwards. There were a few holes in his story and things didn't add up for me so I questioned him, which made him very angry and he said I didn't trust him, which to be honest, I don't.

I keep pushing for things to be like they were, but he tells me that things are never the same after a while and I shouldn't expect them to be so. I feel very, very insecure and I don't know how to deal with it. We have no current plans to meet up again and when I bring this up, he gets angry then too. We always say 'love you' etc in messages and on the phone, but it feels like piecemeal now.

Am I being an idiot to carry on risking my life for him? Sorry for rambling but I have no one I can talk to about this :(