My 5-month FWB/Situationship down went bad

F(25) and Him (29), we met sa yellow app. Single na ako for 2 years already and he's single daw since 2021. Anyway, gumagawa lang ako ng yellow app kapag bored ako at may gustong makausap, then kapag bored na ako dinedelete ko na. So going back, this guy na hindi ko naman ine-expect, since lagi kami nagkakamatch sa app pero we never started a convo not until we matched again last April, then, ayun we finally started our first convo.

He is a nice guy, not my type. About me, sinasabi ng iba ang asset ko talaga is eyes and my smile, saktuhan lang sa body structure and light skin, maitsura naman hahaha. Si kuya naman, hindi photogenic kaya siguro hindi ako naging interested at first lol, going back we talked casual talaga, tropa vibes which is okay, because i'm into casual to serious. Masaya siya kausap so ayun sige, pwede na kako. Until we shared stuff, coffee spots and everything na halos by chances may connection talaga lalo na we are living in the same city. Grabe ang liit ng mundo. Umabot ng halos a week or two before we met, and nag meet kami sa same spot kung san kami parehas tumatambay. Never thought na maitsura in person, and vibe check is so 💯 dami naming parehas na traits and attributes, same din kami ng interests. I was amazed, never imagined i'd be into this person na di naman pasok sa qualities ko.

Fast forward to our first meet, i was clear with him na casual to serious ang hanap ko, whats off is casual lang hanap niya. So sa isip ko, i need to set my boundaries sa sarili ko, hindi ako bibigay or whatever that'll make him do first moves. Girl, marupok si ate, after niya ako ihatid, we did make out. It was good, nakakabitin and I know that there's really a connection. But going back, back of my mind na casual hanap niya, alam kong magiging fubus kami but I hope things work. Idk, maybe.

Alam kong masusundan yung bitin na 'yon. Until we did the deed, he was so great in bed, serious! Never i've ever imagined na for once in my life na there's someone could match my freak. Kuhang kuha namin yung timpla ng isa't isa, sobrang sarap, walang tapon. Alam kong gustong gusto niya din lahat ng ginagawa ko for him, because ang goal ko naman lagi is baliwin siya. Well, gumagawa naman, lahat nang ka wild-an nagawa na ata namin. Ginagawa namin yung deed once every twice or once a week. Aside from doing those things, may quality time din kami, of course, coffee, food trip, theatre plays, and anything, named it! We never stopped talking and casual dates once a week, 'til we reached 5 months already. I got feelings for him already, I know ramdam naman niya 'yon but not to be extent na love ko na siya, iba 'yon eh.

Feelingera lang din siguro ako to think that we are in the same page— but kasalanan ko din ata, I never opened that stuff again simula nung sinabi niyang casual lang hanap niya nung first meet. I wanted to ask him on the 4th month na, "do you see this going anywhere?" But I can't eh, we both know na I have plans leaving the country and tbh, na push na nang na push ang date hanggang hindi na natuloy dahil I still want to be with him. I have plans pa din pero next year pero dumating sa point na, I wanted to push through my MA degree nang para ba mapatagal talaga alis ko lol hindi niya alam, katangahan ko din though.

Then, yesterday morning I received a message na hindi ko inexpect. From night shift pa ako, nilalagnat and stuff then ayun, nagising lang to take meds, may bungad na message sa akin, ang tumatak na lang sa utak ko is "my ex is coming back and I will have to focus on her" and "let's not burn bridges, sayang friendship natin" I never thought that day would come. Parang gumuho mundo ng ate mo, mas masakit pa sa breakup ng ex during board exam review lol I just cried the whole day yesterday, nag reply ako and ang naaalala ko is "hindi ko ma-provide yung friendship na yan kasi masyado nang malalim" ang hirap, and i know this too shall pass, strong girl tayo.

I prayed to God na bigyan ako ng sign na makakita ng yellow flower, ang tagal ko na hinihingi and ang yellow flower is usual na makikita mo kahit saan pero ang tagal. Not until I went home yesterday 'cos nagpamper day na lang ako after what happened, ang bigat eh. Napansin ko na sunflower nakalagay sa bedsheet ko. Hahaha I dont want it anymore. I just wanna move forward already. I wanna fix everything asap lalo na ang pag aabroad ko. I wanna leave everything behind here in PH 'cos everything hurts so bad. Aside doon, ang lala na naman ng insecurities ko. No one deserves this, no one does.