How to get Antidepressants and Bipolar meds without a prescription?

Problem/Goal: My family is poor and can't afford to get me psychiatric help, so I can't get professionally diagnosed. I am certain that I am atleast bipolar but I'm not sure if I have depression.

Context: I've been spiraling for months and unhappy for almost a year. I am constantly hurting myself psychologically and emotionally constantly telling myself that I am a waste of space and putting myself in situations that hurt me to prove that I am worthless (like competing with a genius just to prove that you're stupid). I have been thinking of suicidal thoughts and I just want to stop. One moment I'm aggressive the next I'm calm, my mood swings are fucking crazy and it's so annoying. I need help.