I have m/rder desires towards my aunt.

Problem/goal: I've grown up here in my Lola which is where i also lived with my tita na 7 years lang ang tanda sakin. She's a psychology student noon pa and kapag napapagalitan ako, she acts like she knows everything about me, jinujudge niya ako and pinapangunahan feelings ko without letting me explain. Ever since she became a psychology student (it's already four years now) kapag natatapakan ego ko sakanya, dino-downgrade ako, she's acting like innocent para kapag napuno at pikon ako, ako ang bubugbugin. That's the cycle which made my sadness turned into madness and rage towards her.

Context: I'm the blacksheep. I was never understood in this toxic household, i was always left out but more often their 'parausan ng galit' in which kahit hindi ko kasalanan minsan, sakin binubuhos ang galit at bubugbugin ako. Kahit naman kaonting pagkakamali lang ay grabe sila magsalita and cursing me to die already since iniwan ako ng mom ko at papa ko (they're fubu and im their unwanted consequences) I went through everything. I had depression, anxiety, trauma and nalalagas na ang buhok ko dahil sa stress na ginagawa nila sakin. And behind everything, my aunt is there—smirking hard and acting innocent at siyemprr psych student siya, siya ang pinapanigan nila.

Even back then nung graduation ko, i have alots of medal but something happened nung graduation ko kaya napahiya ako. That time umuwi yung mom ko para siya magsabit ng medals then nung nasa bahay is nagtatawanan sila ng tita ko while I'm crying Infront of the food, she said "ah ayan? pasiyente ko 'yan si (ny name) eh! siya pinagpa-practican ko for now." Then laughed at me even my mom laughed at me.

Previous attempts: nag-open up ako sa mom ko about wanting to klll my aunt but she ignored me and said i was fine it's just an anger peri hindi ko na kinakaya. Tuwing makakahawak ako ng matulis and saw her smirking, muntik ko na siya palaging masaksak..i even threw a big chair sa mukha niya kaya nabugbog ako ng malala. I felt alone all the time, I wanna klll her so bad that i just hide in my room and stqb my self instead para lang mapigilan ang desires ko sakanya. All i can do was stay alone and avoid her or else, baka pag nagalit ulit ako ng sobra, i might end up doing bad thing.

I felt trapped, alone and battered with rage. I need to overcome this without having any helps from professionals or therapists. They won't let me that's why every single day, im losing every sanity i have..sos.