Being ace sucks

I’m sorry to bring the mood down because the community is generally positive and prideful but I actually hate being ace so much. I hate it dude like actually so much I HATE IT. I am not in the euphoric coming out stage, I have been openly identifying with this sexuality for a decade now and I cannot keep up the pride flags and cake metaphors. People I’ve been genuinely in love with have earnestly expressed a desire to meld their body and soul with mine and I’ve had to be like “no sorry :(“ it’s actually so fucking embarrassing. I’ve made so many people cry. Telling someone you love that you’re not attracted to them in the ways they’re attracted to you SUCKS. So of course I gaslit myself into thinking maybe I’m not ace and tried to live as an allo person but dude it does not work. No matter where you go and what kind of music you put on to hype yourself up isn’t gonna magically un-ace you. Being ace is dogshit. Like I’m not dissuading anyone from identifying as ace or taking pride in it but I can’t be alone in feeling this right? It’s really, really awful. It is not cool or fun for me at all.