Does anyone feel alienated from the queer community?

This isn't something that's easy to explain, but I feel like there's a difference between being queer and belonging to the queer community. I'm wondering if that might be especially true for some transfems like myself, who grew up away from queerness and only discovered ourselves in adulthood.

For me, I was always into nerdy hobbies and never into anything queer-coded. I liked Legos, racing games, and watching sci-fi action movies. The closest I got was creative writing, which is a hobby with a lot more women and queer people, but I didn't really get involved in it much beyond middle school because my other, more career-oriented extracurriculars took a higher priority. I remember being in high school and literally having to choose between joining drama club and the robotics club, and choosing the latter. And while I can look back and regret missing out on queer connections, I'm not even sure whether I made the "wrong" choice - the only reason I've been able to safely explore my transness and queerness in adulthood is because my career gives me financial independence.

Now that I'm an adult, I feel really isolated from other queer people. It's not that I can't go out and meet people, I've done so plenty, it's just that our experiences are so different. I haven't watched all the queer films and shows. I'm not well-versed on queer writing and academia and philosophy. Queer aesthetics just feel strange and foreign to me. And the biggest barrier of all is just how bougie and expensive queer culture is to consume. It feels like so much of queer culture involves consumption, and consumption in a way that's inaccessible except for the most wealthy and privileged. Queer bars and parties are expensive, they're in elite cities in elite neighborhoods. Queer fashion is high fashion. Queer art is high art. Anything and everything queer is, by design, not for everyday people. And I don't know how to reconcile with that. I can't be alone in all this either, which is why I'm so lost and confused.