No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai is a hauntingly accurate depiction of what it’s like to live with Asperger’s.

I know that people like to keep a positive mindset about autism, but sometimes the dark shit has to be addressed. This book feels like it bore into the ugly part of me that nobody has ever been allowed to see, and exposed it in a way that feels vulgar and painful.

The author, Osamu Dazai, wrote this book shortly before he drowned himself. This plot of the story is eerily similar to the author’s own life and a lot of people have said that they think it’s autobiographical, which I agree with.

The story focused on a young Japanese man who feels entirely disillusioned with life, alienated from humanity, and struggles with self-hatred. There are aspects of this character that aren’t very relatable, such as the fact that he causes the death of multiple women. But the essence of who this character is, and of who the author also likely was, is chillingly reminiscent of my own experiences as a young autistic woman. I related most to his mask of “clowning” and empathy that he has to wear to cover up the person he truly is, because otherwise people would think he was a monster.

This was definitely written at a low point in Dazai’s life, and the character study does heavily focus on the darkest moments of the protagonists life, which is extremely depressing. So, if you’re in a bad place mentally, I would not recommend this book. But, if you can handle that kind of thing, I really think you should give it a read, because I definitely came away from it feeling a sense of cathartic release.