Am i the bad roommate

A few months ago my wife’s sister moved in, because my wife needed assistance. She had stage 4 cancer and was homebound.

Everything seemed great, she helped with just about everything my wife needed, when she wasn’t working. She cooked herself dinner and the 15 year old daughter would eat it when she got home from school.

But her good roommate status changed once my wife passed away. I think these changes made me and her both bad roommates

She immediately the day of got so drunk she couldn’t get out of bed the entire next day.

I kind of wrote it off, my wife’s death wasn’t traumatic, but she did know her longer (she’s a step sister).

Then she just stops going to work. She still pays rent, but I’m pretty sure she’s eating the food intended for the 15 year old, and saying “oh i cooked dinner for Bailey for when she got home from school”

Ok, she’s cooking still but is she expecting me to be paying for her food?

She doesn’t have a job, and as far as i know only has enough income to cover rent, not even her car payment.

She’s started complaining about the most minor stuff around the house like an undersink light that won’t turn on. I told her it’s at the bottom of the fix list, but she keeps bringing it up.

I’ll tell her my friend is coming over to watch tv with me in the living room (she has a tv in her bedroom) and she will purposely go to the living room and say “oh you can change it over right after this, i forgot you said he was coming over” to which i reply, “but i did tell you, no scoot on and finish that in your room”

She wears way too revealing cloths (as per my friends, my autism is to the point i don’t look at people very often at all) and complains that they are coming over without warning. To which i reply, “why are you wearing that out of your room if it makes you uncomfortable around people. This is a public space”

She doesn’t have a heater in her car, so she’s always asking to borrow my 15 year olds car. It’s not technically mine, but i don’t like it. She needs to get her car fixed, which would require her to have a job and leave the house.

One of the things that really bothers me, she reminds me of my mother. The way she cooks and adds weird stuff, the way she talks and acts. I don’t like it… but I think this one would be ok if the rest of the problems were gone.

Speaking of, i have to hide all snacks and food. Even if i tell her i bought something for me, it gets eaten and she blames the kids. She doesn’t know that i know she’s the one eating it, but my kids NEVER in their life have put something in a container to save it for later. They throw away left overs so fast they forget the forks half the time. So i know it’s her.

I really feel like something bad is coming. Like she’s going to try to manipulate something… she got in a fight with the 15 year old and i straight up told her… I’m her legal guardian (both parents died) if you two can’t get along, you will have to leave, even if the 15 year old is starting it. (They don’t get along well at all)

There is more, there’s always a ton more, but I’m wondering if i just want her gone because I’m dealing with the stress of losing my wife, or do i want her gone because quitting her job and lounging around the house and making demands (no i don’t give in) is exactly what my ex-wives all did.

Do i just feel this way because i don’t see her having a desire to get a job which eventually would let her move out like the plan was from the begging after my wife passed?

I’m also way to direct, and have pressured her multiple times to get a job so she can fix her car and start to move on.

After she moved in, i heard that she straight up told her last roommate she wasn’t moving out when told to leave. This only bothers me a little bit because i will start eviction if she stops rent. which reminds me, i lowered rent because she was taking care of my wife. Raising the rent back up to its normal value im sure is gonna start a fight. She won’t like that at all.

Plus the annoying little things… like me not being back in the main bedroom (i had to move downstairs to be with my sick wife to a room half the size I’m use to.)

Ahhh.. there is just so much that i can’t decide is it me, is it her, or is it a problem just because i lose my wife.

Help me sort it all out…