I'm toxic and I hate it

I've been taking it day by day in trying to become secure and one thing I've realised is: it is SO important to regulate and FEEL your emotions EVERY day, not Judy when you're triggered. I didn't do this and we'll, I was very out of practise when I became triggered and it felt like all my efforts had been for nothing

Aside from that, I was wondering if anyone has any tips for me.

My partner (and me) have noticed that when I feel particularly triggered or upset (or not getting my own way as he puts it), I act "childish". This is especially in enclosed areas where I literally can't escape or take a breather like in the car. I end up tipping over, crying, speaking loudly whilst crying, folding my arms, fuming, borderline telling. Basically a tantrum. Because I cant understand or communicate or regulate what it is I'm experiencing.

I victimise myself, attention seek, always have to be the one who has been hurt, force him to understand my pov, possibly even manipulate through crying ? (This isn't my thought process when I do it but it's possible isn't it?)

I know that my actions are toxic, it makes us both very upset and unhappy and I hate that this is how I am, it's disgusting and very very unhealthy. I need a reality check or some advice or tips, honestly anything to give me some tips or direction in the right way?

Also, we're in a LD relationship so the irl time together is 1-2 times a month unfortunately and it fucking sucks that I ruin it every time. I'm a perfectionist and need control over what's happening, if I have a plan in my head and it doesn't go smoothly I will defintely be upset about it.