is there any hope for me?

i am a 27F wondering if there’s any hope for me. or any point on getting off benzos at this time.

i read this thread often and mostly see people who learn their lesson and quit after 1-3 years of use. because they have more sense than me. i am stubborn, stupid and disgustingly addicted to benzos.

i have spent over half my life on benzos. my parents were very abusive and dad started giving me xanax when i was 12.

15 years of benzos. i tried once to go to detox doing a 10 day taper. it was too fast and the pain (back then, 5 years of benzo abuse ago) was unspeakable.

i’m now really at rock bottom. or below that. i’m basically at tolerance taking 16mg xanax a day. i can’t sustain the habit anymore financially or otherwise.

not to mention my brain is so fried for a 27 year old. i forget everything. my memory is nonexistent and my ability to process new information is rudimentary at best.

i’m disgusting. what kind of woman stays on benzos this long. what is wrong with me do i even have any hope? do have hope of being somewhat normal on my level of anxiety? can i live, sleep, breathe, and think normally again ever?

i don’t know what it’s truly like to be benzo free and i’m terrified i’m so terrified. i don’t even know how to go about this or if it would be safe.

i’m a very very broken, anxious and traumatized woman with very little coping skills. i don’t even know how to go about stopping. can someone please tell me if i am salvageable?

i want to stop but i’m so scared i just can’t believe i let it get this bad. coming off is going to be hell i’m horrified. i am already so fragile. please tell me it’s going to be okay i’m so scared

thank you