Why does the gamble of not taking meds sound so fun?

Hi all, I finally got on meds that are working and have been taking them every day for 5-6months. I have not stopped taking them and have a good system to keep taking them.

Over that time though i have contimplated many times to stop. Wtf is that? Sometimes my brain tells me they are poison, othertimes mind control (this one is espically ironic cauz it sorta is but in a helpful way), sometimes it just sounds fun like what might happen only one way to find out, and sometimes like today its more nonchalant like hey we dont need that today and can resume tomarrow.

Almost feels like an old cartoon devil on the sholder type of thinking kinda just egging me on. Anyone else have this? Why does it feel so fun to be self destructive? And thats is exactly how I know they are working because I used to just listen to that line of thinking no questions asked with zero regard for concquences until week or two later and be so mad at myself for everything.

Anyways, just having a harder day keeping my shit togeather and wanting a little extra support.