How to cope with feeling like I’m relapsing in my mental illness?

Tw: psychosis, anxiety, mental illness

I constantly need to have my meds adjusted I’m beginning to worry it’s going to be like this forever. I was diagnosed with bipolar over the summer which feels like so long ago now and since then have been in and out of the psych ward, struggling with friendships, and even lashing out at family. After reflecting, I don’t think I’ve been a super good friend to most of the people in my life as of late. I haven’t even written a poem in like a month I just feel so numb and incomplete. Will it always be like this?