Sanity check in

Hi all,

I need some advice. I recently switched to a new psychiatrist who dropped my seroquel and mirtazapine from my sleep routine. To say it has been a struggle since would be an understatement. That was seven weeks ago.

Since then I’ve struggled with sleep. My mood has also dipped significantly. I just don’t care about anything. I have had self destructive tendencies and thoughts. My anger is barely tempered.

Most alarming though is that I have had increasing suicidal thoughts. I’m still working, still fulfilling dad duties. I admit I’ve been slack on husband duties but I am still trying. I have energy. But I also keep thinking about killing myself and finding ways to do it. I don’t think I will. I don’t want to hurt my kids or my wife. But I can’t help but think about new ways to try and do it whenever I have a moment to myself. Just as a way to fantasise about ending the discomfort.

I know this is alarming but can’t help but wonder if this is related to my med change or sleep problems or what. It’s a really weird feeling to have energy but also full of despair. Should I contact my Dr? I’m worried they will put me in the hospital and I really can’t afford to do that right now. The timing is terrible with work.

Please give me some advice. I’m not sure what to do.