Accepting my reality

I expect people to judge me harshly for making this post, but I have nothing to lose at this point. I’m a 20 year old guy who’s studying CS in college, and I make music as a side-hobby. I play basketball in my free time, and I go to the gym often. I have friends that I talk to, but I’ve never been to a college party before. I’m not part of any huge social groups on campus and I’ve only been in one short-term relationship. I feel like I’m missing out on life since I’m not going to any parties or dating anyone. Sometimes people asks me about college parties and my dating life in college, but I can never answer those questions. It gets awkward. I’m worried that one day I’ll be a 30 year old single man who’s frowned upon in society. My African family will judge me because they expect me get married around that age, women will judge me for my lack of dating experience, and society will see me as a helpless man with a high paying job. Since I can’t be fulfilled by having a great social life, I guess I can be fulfilled by making great music and eventually finishing college.

I’ve supported black businesses, I joined NSBE this semester, I was part of BSU in high school and I’m currently part of a black club on campus. I’ve also helped my friends in a few of their classes. I have “put myself out there”.

At this point, I think I just have to accept the fact that I’m not going to any college parties and I might die an unmarried man, but at least I went to college and I created some great music while I was on this Earth. I can’t control women being interested in me nor can I control how many parties I get invited to. I can dream that my life will change for the better, but those dreams won’t turn into my reality.

Can anyone relate to feeling hopeless? Do things get better at some point?