Dark past episode 1

I wanted to let out some dark things that happened with me, which made me the person I am today. Fortunately, I got a much needed break in my busy life to reminisce things buried deep in my heart and vent them out. I hope bondha diaries will provide me an avenue to vent out my heart.

As a warning, I ask sensitive people not to read these stories as they may feel a sense of disgust and disappointment in humans.

The life I had, I am grateful today that I am alive after all these ordeals and close calls. Nothing written in my posts is a lie, and I will write the situations as authentic as possible. These ordeals get darker as we go into next episodes...

P.S. This was my past. It happened many, many years ago... I am better now, doing way better in my life...

It all started at the age of 8, I have a hazy memory of my father's cousin coming to my house for dinner and took me to other room and sexually abused me while everyone was present at home. I do not know if anyone saw that or not or he took care of hiding what he was doing, I don't know how to react, I was scared, I knew something was wrong but cannot escape. He did it two more times. Ah tarvata vadu vachinapudalla paaripoyi daakovadam better emo... asal chuttalosthe baitaki ravadame manesi lopala talupu lock cheskundam....kani amma tiduthundi neeku maryada led evariki hi cheppavu vachi....nanna pilusthadu pedannanna ki Hi cheppu vachi pilustunadu ninnu....

I was never formally educated on sex, I thought that's how it happened. Then at age 10 to 12, holidays ki ma babayi valla intiki vella, vala koduku na age eh, we started playing and may be he wa also sexually abused by someone, we both started trauma bonding and started kissing and touching each other. We never knew that it was wrong. Vadu naku annayya varasa. Talchukunte badha anpistundi kani emi teledu ah time lo.

At age 14, appude maturity vachina rojullo, road meeda velthunte chala sarlu guys used to touch me inappropriately, I cannot count emo, enni sarlu ala ayyindo... fast ga body grow avvadam na mistake ah? Asalu ammayilaki breasts undakudadhu emo, kathi teeskuni cut cheskunte ela untundi? Asalu baytake vellakapothe better emo, kani amma shop velli edokati teskuni rammantundi, leda tution vellali, school ki vellali... poni cover cheskundam kanapadakunda....resulting in me wearing a thick sweater even in hot summers to cover my chest. School lo PT master vachi summer lo kuda sweater enduku eskuntunnav teesey annadu, edo daastunnav lopala belt tie eskoledu ankunta, school badge petkunnava...ledu sir veskunnanu...shut up roju chustunna sweater eskostunnav... go and kneel down....

Tution ki veldam ante tution madam valla husband ekadekkado touch chestunnadu manedhama? Manesthe amma koduthundi. Chadavataniki ravatle, maths lo weak aipoyanu amma emo engineering chadavali lekapothe champestha antundi. Naku maths raadhu endukante andaru nannu touch chestunte edupostundi kani chadavadam ravatledu. Ammaki ela cheppali teledu. Cheppina vinadhu endukante ameki nanna tho kotladam ke time saripodhu....endukante naannake vere avida ante istam ankunta anduke amma ni epudu edipistadhu....amma intlo oka panimanishi...eppudu edustune untundi papam....nenu inkaa edpinchakudadhu....

Friends undevallu inti deggara kani vallu nakante koncham peddavallu, ammailathone friendship cheyali abbayilu manchivallu kadu anukunna... friend aina oka akka intiki paina floor lo unna abbayitho love nadipistondi, love ante adhenaa? Bachelors undevallu paina intlo andulo andaru na friends ni date chestunnaru, naakevaru dorakaru emo le aina nakem odhu love avanni baga chadukovali...abbailu manchollu kaadu...kani ah bachelors group lo unna nakante 15 years peddavaadaina oka abbayi nuvante naakistam ani propose chestunadu...patinchukokapothe vaade pothadu....building meeda plants ki neellu pettadaniki veldam koncham happy ga untundi....velle daarilo veedu daakkuni evaru leni time lo chusi patkunnadu, squeezed every part of my body molested me and said he loves me...love ante idenaa...naku nachaledu...ah roju nundi tappinchukuni tiruguthunna vaadu kanapadithe....aina okaroju malli patkunte collar patkuni unna shakthi antha use chesi kotti paaripoyanu...

School lo appude propose cheskuni pairs form avuthunaru 10th class lo ivanni enti asalu chi chi...thank God I look ugly with these glases.... Thank God no one is proposing me...will make myself as ugly as possible....but why is everyone trying to touch my body....I feel ugly in my body....I am good for nothing...why did I grow so much?

To be continued.....