Somebody tell me it’s going to be okay

I have two kids, a 4yr old daughter and a 3yr old son.

My daughter is mild mannered, patient, kind, and honestly a breeze to parent. She made me want more kids.

My son has been a challenge from the day he was born. He struggled with a dairy allergy during a formula shortage and I had a botched epidural and wasn’t able to breastfeed. He never slept. Ever.

Now, both of my kids are in a private school we pay for with voucher assistance. It’s a praised school and my daughter does really well.

My son is constantly getting a negative report every single day. He scratches, headbutts, kicks, punches his teachers. He sticks his foot in the toilets. He poops on himself and thinks it’s funny (he’s been potty trained for months). He climbs the furniture. He head rolls. He somersaults. They’ve called me at work numerous times to pick him up. The transition to nap time is the worst for him there.

I have him in OT where they did say he has some sensory seeking tendencies due to having reflexes from infancy that haven’t gone away. OT says he’s an ANGEL every single session. They fight over who will get to be his OT! They said they see no signs of autism.

I took him to his pediatrician next (sort of pushed on me by the school but I was open to it). She also said he has no signs of autism but seems very “gifted” as he is advanced in language and motor skills.

He hurts himself often due to wreckless behavior. A chipped front tooth, split his head open jumping off the couch, broken toe, etc etc etc.

He is constantly spinning around or moving or running. I feel like he has ADHD but I can’t diagnose him yet and even still, he’s already in therapy and too young for meds. I was a behavioral therapist for kids with autism and I am not afraid of any diagnosis.

The worst of it all, I genuinely think he has no connection to me. He always wants his dad, he never lets me console him, he doesn’t really care if I’m around or not. I try to make a special effort with him and it kills me that it always falls flat. I am very close to my daughter and I can tell the difference between how they feel about me.

School is telling me if his behavior doesn’t change, he will be kicked out. He’s too young for public school and we can’t afford to send him anywhere else. I currently work to pay for nursing school. Him getting kicked out of school = me having to quit work = me not finishing nursing school = us being poor forever.

I feel like shit. I want to cry every day. My stomach is in constant knots with anxiety. To top it off, my daughter has the flu and I can’t give her the attention she needs and DESERVES because I’m spending all my remaining energy in fighting my son’s current tantrum of the minute

Help