If you're starting chemo during the holidays...this is for you.

I have been thinking about how to honor the second anniversary of when I started chemo, and I felt like maybe a long post to all of you who are starting chemo this holiday season - an especially shit time - would be fitting. My story: I had a very aggressive, five centimeter tumor, and before I knew it, had a port placed and started chemo on december 22 of 2022 only a few weeks after being diagnosed. I remember the night before chemo, I went up to my mom and absolutely broke down sobbing and told her that I wanted off this ride. But it was the strangest feeling knowing that that wasn't possible. I had to show up for the scariest day of my life in order to not die. It's really indescribable that place, and I know many of you are feeling the same. The best piece of advice I can give you, which I also received here...is to just show up. That is all you need to do. You will be surrounded by amazing nurses who know exactly how to get you through the day. Try not to anticipate too much. Make sure you take all the meds they are willing to give you (especially the Ativan) and know that the first step is going to be the scariest. You're going to find a rhythm during chemo. It's hard. You're going to feel like shit. You're going to look in the mirror at your alien eyes with no eyelashes and wonder who the hell is staring back at you. But you're going to have days that feel normal-ish too. In fact, five days after my first infusion I felt well enough to go to a restaurant for dinner and even had a glass of wine!! During my five months of chemo I went fishing, went to some great restaurants, did some hiking, and never missed one of my kids' baseball games. I did, however, miss basketball games in the gym (too risky with flu season and Covid), let my husband take parent teacher conferences solo, and spent a lot of days in bed watching the world go by. But! It worked. And chemo will do its thang. Have faith in that.

Today...two years since embarking on active treatment...I worked out at the gym, had coffee with a friend, worked a full day at my job, and was back in that basketball gym cheering on my son who is playing for his high school. I'll never forget where I've been. And I don't want to. Cancer is like a factory reset button....it will take time, but you'll power back on. I promise.

I'm here for any of you who need an ear. Much love sweet sisters. Find a friend on here who is going through chemo at the same time. That's what I did and it helped me so much. You know who you are chemo class of '23 🙌🏻🫶🏻💕