My husband doesn't want me to do chemo

Hello everyone. I've been a lurker on this subreddit since I was diagnosed in November. I posted once about my upcoming surgery and I was so thankful for the responses, so I am hopeful for that again as I am spiraling. I have IDC on the right side, ER+ (80%), PR-, HER2- breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy in November which as not as scary as I feared. My kids (3y & 5y) did great. The tumor was grade 3. My lymph nodes were clear and they took all my breast tissue, so no radiation! I also had a PET scan that was clear. I followed up with an oncologist in the beginning of December. She sent my samples out for Mammaprint, which came back on Friday as high risk 2, basal subtype. She wants to treat me as essentially a TNBC because of the basal subtype and "low" positive ER. She is recommending at least AC-T for 5 months. She would like to do AC-TC if insurance allows.

She seems very certain that I need this therapy followed by the hormone therapy, to catch any microscopic cancer cells that have been left behind. That if I don't, it will only be a matter of time before something comes up. I had an echo and they want to schedule me for port placement ASAP to get started since I am close to 8 weeks after surgery. She likes to start treatment within 6-8 weeks and makes it feel like I am running out of time. I feel like I should probably do the chemo but I do have some concerns. I do have kidney stones and the PET scan did reveal that I have hydronephrosis on the right side. I am following up with my urologist soon, but I am concerned about the chemo effects on my kidneys.

The biggest hurdle is my husband. He is 100% against me doing chemo. He sees it as they removed the cancer, it wasn't in my lymph nodes and the PET scan was clear. Why would I poison myself with chemo? He already has a general distrust of the healthcare system and thinks this is all just to make money. He thinks the chemo they want to give me is extreme and wants to just monitor for reoccurrence or take a lesser oral chemo. He watched someone with breast cancer in the past go through chemo and it didn't go well. She had severe side effects and never recovered. I am unsure of her exact diagnosis other than breast cancer. I know he is scared. He thinks the chemo is going to kill me or incapacitate me and I will never recover from it. He has mental health issues of his own and knows he will not be able to pick up the slack for me when I can't get out of bed. He thinks I am going to traumatize our children when I look like "corpse." He is already on edge from working full time at night and going to school full time on top of helping take care of our kids. We are financially strapped.

I am starting a second opinion tomorrow morning with Cleveland clinic, but again this takes time. I want to give myself every opportunity to beat this thing, but I am worried that no matter what I decide I won't be able to do it if I don' t have my husband's support. I don't know what to do and I'm so scared to make the wrong choice. Do I have time to wait for this other opinion that could add an additional 1-2 weeks before treatment? Any advice would be appreciated. I hate that any of us have to deal with this!

Edit 12/31/24 9:40a

Wow. I am absolutely blown away by the response. Ya'll have me crying at my desk this morning! Thank you so much for all your kind words and encouragement. I feel a little clearer this morning. To shed additional light on our situation, my husband isn't a bad man, but he's terrified. We talked more last night and I either misunderstood him or he didn't communicate correctly (probably both!). He never wanted me to just wait and see. He has done his own research and understands that I need the chemo. He just wanted to see if there were any other drugs I could take. It seems like doxorubicin really freaks him out. He knows this is ultimately my decision and doesn't want me to die. His own mental health issues make him a shitty communicator and I know this is going to be tough. He hasn't been able to come to a doctor appointment with me due to our tight schedules and childcare, but I hope to get him to one soon. You've all given me the courage to schedule my port placement. I am still going to pursue the second opinion, but I'm going to keep moving along with my current treatment option. If anything, we can always make changes. Thank you again, this community is amazing and I appreciate all of you ❤️