ramadan made me relapse

as title says hadnt been purged for almost two weeks and only binged maybe like twice a week (which made me gain weight but i really couldnt care less) just when i was feeling like this is it it can only get better from here ramadan came around the corner and im ashamed to admit that after iftar i stuff myself and then make myself sick for hours and generally just abuse what was supposed to be a spiritually healing month for my stupid habits

i never had the intention to go back to this i dont exactly know what triggered it and i dont want to go back to how awful i was before i dont know if its the fasting soecifically or if it was just bound to happen sooner or later but just today i spent 4hours binge purging

i dont want to neglect my religion but also i hate that this happened again i thought u finally gout out of this hellish cycle can anyone relate? as soon as i start fasting the food noise gets so loud and i lose control