My toxic and emotionally destabilising experience on Bumble BFF 😔

Okay, so I think everyone here agrees that the concept of Bumble BFF sounds amazing! An app to make meaningful friendships in a world where adult connections can feel harder than ever to build!?

My recent experience with Bumble BFF has actually left me feeling emotionally vulnerable, deflated, questioning my judgment, and picking up the pieces to now heal from a friendship that turned out to be toxic.

I’m here to share my experience and perspective to perhaps remind others to be careful, and also because it’s therapeutic for me to open up and share this in an anonymous space.

Settle in for my novella (lol)..

After countless matches that fizzled out, ghosted messages, and flakes (which I know many here have commonly experienced), I finally met Cassie* (not her real name). She was bubbly, warm, and we clicked instantly! As a neurodivergent woman, I often feel misunderstood or out of place in social settings, but with Cassie, the conversation flowed easily. I felt seen, understood, and genuinely excited about this budding friendship.

Over the next few months, we met up several times for coffee, fitness classes, and even brunches. Things felt easy—until subtle red flags began surfacing. Cassie would cancel plans last minute or ask to reschedule, only to drop them altogether. She rarely apologised or even acknowledged how her flakiness inconvenienced me, instead texting later as if nothing had even happened. At first, I brushed it off. Life is exhausting, and I get it. But the pattern kept repeating, and I realised I should have named it with her sooner. Anyhow, no big deal..

The cracks began to be more obvious when I had invited Cassie to a fun (rather pricey) event and offered her my spare ticket. She didn’t offer to pay me back the cost of the ticket, but I didn’t mind or expect her to so that was fine. She accepted enthusiastically, and we confirmed everything the night before.

The day of the event, I texted her to let her know I’d arrived a little early, and she texted back “OMG! I thought it was tomorrow!” My heart sank, and an obvious pattern was emerging.

I encouraged her to come, and she did, albeit late, with a brief apology. While the event was fun, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

THEN most recently- all alarm bells went off when we planned to attend a community hike weeks later, and she deliberately stood me up 😔

The night before, I sent a text to confirm. She didn’t reply, but given her history, I assumed she’d still show up. I got to the meeting spot early, texted her multiple times, and waited. And waited. After 30 minutes of standing alone, feeling embarrassed (I didn’t know anyone else there) and hurt, I left.

On my drive home, Cassie texted to say she wasn’t coming because she’d assumed I wasn’t interested in our plans, so had made other plans. I started to cry. It turns out, she had based this decision on a completely unrelated incident where I’d taken two days to reply to a text earlier that week.

Her explanation floored me. Cassie admitted that my past delays in replying to her texts in general had “hurt” her and so she’d started intentionally delaying her reply times to mirror mine!? She also implied that I’d fallen short of her expectations in a solid friendship.

Suddenly, it occurred to me that I had unknowingly been strung along in a series of unspoken “tests” to see how much I cared about the friendship. It also dawned on me that her previous cancellations and forgetfulness weren’t just flakiness or forgetfulness, they were deliberate tests designed to “measure my commitment”!!

This revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. It explained so much: her vagueness about past friendships, the way she seemed to hold onto perceived slights, and her lack of accountability for how her actions affected me.

Being on the receiving end of these “tests” has actually now really messed with my head and bought up painful childhood memories. I’ve spent years in therapy working to create relationships that feel safe and supportive, yet here I am, questioning myself again because of someone else’s unresolved issues.

I’ve communicated to Cassie how this has made me feel while also acknowledging that perhaps her actions have come from a place of genuine past trauma/pain. She’s not apologised or acknowledged her actions or how they’ve impacted me at all. Needless to say, I’ve cut all contact with her.

Unfortunately, my experience with Bumble BFF has left an extremely sour taste and I will not be back on it. My trust is shattered- but I don’t want to live that way.

The app is kinda dangerous for anyone who may be emotionally vulnerable. It creates this weird “forced” dynamic, where you’re actively searching for reasons to invest in a friendship, often overlooking early red flags. Unlike organic friendships that develop naturally over time, Bumble BFF connections can feel rushed and artificial, making it harder to notice when something isn’t quite right.

While I’m now doing some work in therapy to heal from this experience, it won’t be anything I forget anytime soon. It’s been a reminder to trust in my instincts- if something feels off, it probably is. Uphold my boundaries and values, and to not let anyone make me feel guilty for expecting the basic decency of respect and emotional safety in a friendship.