When I was 10, I may have permanently damaged the hearing of a much smaller child.

When I was an older kid, maybe 10, I was hanging out with the neighborhood kids. Well, there was this little one, probably around 6 or so, that followed us around.

One day, we were running around shooting empty bb guns at each other. We would just cock it and pull the trigger. No bb came out, but it made a muffled sort of thumping sound.

Anyway, at some point, I put the muzzle of one of the pistols in the 6 year-olds ear and pulled the trigger at point blank range.

I will never forget the confused look on his face like, "Why did you do that?". He cried and ran home but the rest of us just thought he was being a wuss because he was little so we went on with our day.

Well, even though the bb pistol wasn't loaded, that burst of air ruptured his ear drum. His dad talked to my dad, and I lied about it, of course, scared to death. That kid never came back outside and we moved away a few months later (unrelated).

I am in my mid 30's and I still think of that kid. I wonder if his hearing is permanently damaged. I hate that I never apologized, I hate how I took no responsibility, and I hate how cowardly I was to lie to my dad about it.

It fills me with so much shame.