Growing Up in a Polygamous Home: The Truth I Never Admitted
My family is very traditional. We are Fulani people from West Africa, and my dad has two wives—my mom is his second. In my culture, this is really common. And honestly, the wives hate each other. The same goes for my mom and stepmom. My mom lives in Africa, while I live in the U.S. with my dad and stepfamily.
It’s not like a Cinderella story where they’re always bad—actually, they’re good most of the time. But every time a problem comes up, it’s always pointed out that I’m a stepsibling. My stepmom doesn’t really treat me as part of the family.
In my Fulani household, it’s really common for older siblings to ask the younger ones to do things for them. It’s normal, and the younger ones can’t refuse. But every time my stepsisters ask me to do something, my stepmom will ask me for forgiveness as if I was wronged, telling me to forgive her and her family. She only does this to me.
When I was between 13 and 15, she used to tell me things outright—like how I was a “spy” sent by my mother, that I didn’t see my stepsiblings as my family, and that I wanted to steal my sisters away from her son. She even accused me of trying to compete with her son at school, just because I was doing better than him. Shewould curse at me and make up things about me.
One time, she didn’t just curse me—she cursed my mom too. That was when I finally got mad. But after everything, she suddenly started apologizing. Not because she actually meant it, but because she believes that if she doesn’t apologize, God will punish her. In Islam, when someone apologizes, you’re supposed to forgive them.
But I didn’t forgive her. That made her even more upset. She escalated things, called my stepsiblings into the room, and one of my stepsisters physically beat me
Edit:
I honestly never expected this post to gain so much attention or even get any views. To me, all of this seemed normal, but I’m beginning to realize that it truly isn't. I'm incredibly grateful for all of your support. I’ve often felt isolated because of this situation, not sharing it with anyone out of fear that no one would understand, and because it's considered taboo to talk about it outside the family.
At this point in my life, I’m 17 and have been living with my half-family since I was 11. I’ve come to realize that my greatest dream is to be in a safe, supportive environment where I can find peace of mind. I’m actively working on finding ways to escape this situation. I applied to the Ivy League, despite being told I wouldn't be able to get in because they offer full scholarships, and I’ll have to pay for my college no matter what. I hope that if I get in, it will provide me with a way to leave, and once I do, I never plan on coming back.
I’ve been fortunate enough to get interviews from Harvard and Princeton (I really want to get into Princeton), but I understand that my chances are slim. I do have backup plans. If I don’t get in, I’ll try again as a transfer student.
Right now, I’m focused on building my startup (my family doesn’t know, but I want to be an entrepreneur). I’m currently working on my first venture and in the process of looking for a co-founder. It’s been challenging and there have been a lot of disappointments along the way, but I won’t give up on my idea. I’ve validated it through 143 surveys with my target audience, and 94% of them are interested in it.
If I get rejected and have to try again as a transfer student, I’ll mention my startup in hopes that it might increase my chances. If that doesn’t work out, I’ll figure out another way, but one thing I know for sure is that I will find a way to escape.
I’ve also decided to make more posts on r/Confession about different things that have happened in my life. Seeing things from the outside, I realize just how toxic my situation is. I’ve made it a mission to write about polygamy in the hopes of raising awareness and, if nothing else, helping at least one person who might be going through something similar.
Thank you so much for all your support. I plan to update this post on March 26th to let you know if I got into an Ivy League school. I’ve done my best, and if I don’t get in, that’s okay, but I’m really hoping I do.
I’ve posted my articles on a few platforms, and I intend to go into more detail on each. Writing is my way of coping; when I understand something, its power over me diminishes. I also like to use all the knowledge I’ve gained from self-help books to help others understand deeper issues.
Here are the places where I’ve posted my articles, which explain more about my experiences growing up in a polygamous household.
https://medium.com/@bintadiallo7287/breaking-the-silence-the-quiet-struggles-of-a-child-in-a-polygamous-household-011e2ea87d2a ) Follow me there as I will go more in depth about thing I have not mensioned in here.
Here is a Reddit post to my reply to your guys comments.
https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/1iyrr8m/polygamy_isnt_as_simple_as_leaving_a_personal/