Getting blackout drunk has ruined my life and it's my fault

I went out with some friends start of this year and I can't remember the night at all. I know I bought 27 drinks so 54 units because I checked my card the next day. I woke up to a text from my friend, she said I groped her and tried to kiss her after she said no. I was so shocked and disgusted with myself and knew that I only had myself to blame. Obviously I apologised to her but I knew that didn't mean anything in the context of what I did. I told my other friends and they all told me how they don't know if they can be my friend anymore which I understood but it still hurt when I had defended so many of them when they had done bad things. Eventually they all "forgave" me but I knew they didn't actually want anything to do with me. I stopped getting invited to go out and only my best friend would text me checking up on me. I've always struggled with depression so being isolated didn't help and I started taking anti depressants. As time went on some of her friends would talk to me but I couldn't bare the shame. I stopped drinking almost entirely and I now will have a beer if I'm in a situation where everyone is drinking.

Now I haven't seen any of my former friends in 5 months and I made new friends. One of these new friends has mutual friends with my old friend group so even though I enjoyed spending time with them I deep down knew she would found out what I had done and today I'm pretty sure she found out because we had made plans to go out and she cancelled then when I was talking to another friend she got a text from this girl and suddenly she didn't really respond to the conversation.

It feels like an awful choice I made extremely drunk has really ruined my life. I don't know what to do from here. I'm very lucky it was never reported to the police but at this point I would rather that had happened so I could have at least faced the consequences like a man. I don't know where to even post this it seems like everywhere I look I can't find someone in my position either people who have done similar things don't feel bad or they can't post because they know no one will offer advice.