How to fuck a bear

Chapter I
Bear search.
Why fuck the Bear?
The body of the Bear, soft and pleasant to the touch, also has a number of unique properties. Among others, it is known that sexual intercourse with the Bear strengthens the muscles of the penis and the gonads - the testicles. The general physical state of the copulating person improves significantly, and in some cases para-psychological abilities are manifested, such as: telepathy, poltergeist, meditation. In addition, most bear fuckers will admit that fucking a bear is much more pleasant than intercourse with a human.

Chapter II
Approaching a bear and preparing a penis with testicles.
Having found a lair - or having bought data about its location from the local forest rangers, you should settle next to it in order to lull the attention of the Bear with your constant presence at the lair. At first, the Bear begins to worry, but here it is important to show your complete disinterest in the den and also in the Bear himself. If this does not help and the Bear is nervous or rushes at you, you should disguise yourself as some kind of animal, for example, a raccoon or a giant hamster. The chosen animal should be as peaceful as possible in order for the Bear to calm down. At the same time, bearish logic must be taken into account: for example, one bear-fuck decided to portray (obviously under the influence of Kafka) a giant mole, which, accordingly, was expressed in peaceful digging of the soil - however, the Bear decided that, apparently, they were digging under his dwelling, and reacted accordingly.
By the way, it should be mentioned that bear-fucking is quite safe from a medical point of view. Humans and Bears hardly share the same diseases, and the few that do exist are not transmitted anally.

Chapter III
Position of caca fucking
After waiting for the Bear to finally get used to your presence, you can move right on to the bear fight.
Caca fucking - that's what they usually call bear fucking because of its specific nature - it requires serious preparation, moral and physical. Usually bear fuckers attend special courses, but there are still a lot of charlatans in our country who recruit groups of gullible dummies without having the permission of the bear fuckers union. In view of the review nature of this treatise, it is not possible to dwell in detail on the exercises recommended for bear fuckers. For the time being, we can recommend to all those interested the wonderful book by Professor R. Bronfman "Proper Medical Bear Fucking and Preparation for It" (Moscow, 1985, ed. "Health").

Usually bear fucking is done as follows:
After waiting for the Bear to defecate, they quietly sneak up behind so that the Bear does not see, and quickly prepare the penis. At the moment of defecation, they bring the penis to the Bear anal and, as soon as the last portion of feces falls out, penetrate it, carefully moving the tail to the side. The entire penis is rammed at once, with one push. At first, the bear thinks that this is another portion of feces, and the whole calculation is actually based on this. This is the most critical part of the procedure, because if, say, a penis is not instantly in the Bear's anal, then he can get worried and cripple the bear fucker. Also, if the bear fucker lingers, he may miss the favorable moment, and the anal will close. How can you instantly enter a penis in the anal? The answer lies in the fact that, firstly, the anal at this moment is abundantly lubricated with feces, and the penis enters smoothly. Secondly, at the time of the penetration of the penis, the Bear is pushing feces, which accordingly opens the anal towards the penis. As soon as the penis of the bear-fuck is in the anal, the Bear begins to grunt and worry, but after a few reciprocating movements, he usually feels pleasure and does not attack.

Positions in bear-fuck are dictated by the posture of the Bear. Often the Bear remains in the "kako" position, then it is advisable to put the tail on your shoulder, sit on your knees. In this position, reciprocating movement is somewhat difficult, but there are methods that allow, nevertheless, to continue a full-fledged act of bear fucking. For example, it is recommended to bend back, while standing on tiptoe, strongly press the buttocks. In this position, also called "Bow," it is important that the pelvic area is raised high, absorbing the movement of the bearish anal.
Another way in the "kako" position is called "Picasso". In this position, you should lie on your chest, resting your forehead on the ground (or grass), bending strongly, grab your feet with your hands, thus forming a ring. This position is symmetrical, the Bear's tail passes between the knees of the bear and goes down the back. Reciprocating movements are carried out by arching the back along with the movement of the groin. Some disadvantages are that if the Bear has already defecated a sufficiently large amount of feces, then there is a danger of lying face down in it, which can distract from the process of bear-fighting and disrupt the erection. Therefore, if there is a lot of feces under the Bear, it is not recommended to use "Picasso".
The above methods are suitable for "Kako" when the Bear does not come out of the defecation position. At the same time, the Bear often changes its position, moves and even runs. There are many positions for this, called "couplings". These positions allow you to firmly gain a foothold on the Bear until the end of the bear fucking. We will focus only on the most popular of them.

"Frog": Bear-bear holds on to the Bear's legs, hanging head down. The legs wrap around the Bear's torso, converging to the navel (if the Bear's volume allows). Movements are carried out mainly with the help of flexion - extension of the legs, but in general the position is motionless, and frictions occur due to the movement of the Bear. It is important not to hurt your the head if the Bear suddenly changes seats or runs over rocks or other obstacles.
"Scissors": again, as in "The Frog", the bear hangs upside down. One leg is bent to the knee around the tail, the other is straightened and directed upwards, pressing the Bear's stomach. from the opposite side. Hands clasp the lower legs of the Bear. The penis is directed straight up, which is the main inconvenience, since its angle with the body is approximately 180 degrees, instead of the prescribed 80-90.
"Bouncer" is a comfortable but dangerous pose. Bearfuck hangs on the tail from below, wrapping his arms and legs around him. It is recommended to stay as close to the base of the tail as possible so that the amplitude of its waving is minimal.
During the bear fucking, you need to make sure that the Bear does not lose his balance and does not crush the bear fucker with his backside.
The methods described are the most common, but there are other, less well-known methods that we may talk about next time.

Chapter IV
Dick movements and orgasm.
When moving a penis in the Bear anal, several principles are guided.
-Firstly, it is not advisable to "plug" the anal if the feces continue to come out. You should move to circular movements, spiraling the feces outward.
-The large intestine of the Bear is covered from the inside with large fatty rings, between which there are especially sensitive zones. Having felt the head of the member of the ring, it is necessary to get into the gap between them, push the rings apart and make several circular movements, outlining the diameter of the anal. This calms the Bear and irritates his erogenous zone.
-It is very important not to take out the penis until the end of the bear fucking, because at the end of the bowel movement, the bear anal is closed with the help of a special circular muscle located at the end of the colon.
Anal orgasm of Bears is very dangerous - the Bear makes erratic movements, growls and bites, so the task of the bear fucker is to reach orgasm first and run away. On the one hand, it's easy, but a bear fucker who has spent so much energy is not always ready to finish the bear fucking in a couple of minutes. Therefore, honey-fucking must be done very carefully, without losing your head.
At the first sign of an approaching orgasm, the Bear needs to ejaculate and run. The bear usually does not chase the bear, but falls into a short trance. If the Bear nevertheless experienced an anal orgasm, then after one day he discards his old tail, and the new one begins to grow only after five to seven months. At one time, it was believed that it was necessary to bring the Bear to orgasm, and then pick up the tail. All sorts of drugs and ointments were prepared from the tail, supposedly helping with various ailments. Modern science has convincingly proved that no one, except perhaps the Bear himself, needs a Bear orgasm, and the tail is a useless piece of meat. In addition, there is a theory
claiming that the orgasm harms the Bear, as it leads to the temporary loss of the tail. However, the tail loss mechanism is still poorly understood, so the aforementioned theory is not yet supported by scientific evidence.

Chapter V
The impossibility of repeating sexual intercourse with the same bear.
As you know, repeated bear fucking is impossible for several reasons:
-Firstly, after sexual intercourse, a special secret begins to be produced in the Bear's anal, which is the immune reaction of the Bear's body to human semen. This secret is extremely caustic and is able to corrode human skin.
-Secondly, after bear fucking, the bear becomes extremely cautious, and it is almost impossible to approach him. Based on the foregoing, repeated bear fuckingg is absolutely impossible.
Everyone, of course, heard stories about Niko Dick-Curve, who allegedly fucked the same Bear twice, but this is nothing more than a beautiful legend. There are far more sad tales of crippled adventurers decapitated by caustic Bear anal secrets or simply torn apart by a ferocious forest beast.