Confessions of a Pick me

I might as well call it like it is. I’ll probably be called one anyway. I’m a pick me. Not in-the-toxic-towards-other-women type of way but more in the yearning, lover girl, Will-go-to-the-ends-of-the-earth-for-her-crush type of pick me.

I’ve always been an overachiever. I’ve always been willing to go above and beyond what is required whether it’s through school, work or personal relationships. It’s almost always paid off. Except romantically, I’ve been single for almost 5 years and it’s not by lack of trying. As such a girl living in this modern world, I hear the cries of the opposite sex. I listen to criticism and try to adjust how i communicate and be mindful of my behavior based on what I hear. I grew up with a traditional background. I’ve honed my looks and possess behaviors I believe would befit an ideal partner:

smiley/bubbly personality

Open body language

Not too modest

not too sexy

Militant skincare to keep my skin not only clear but flawless

Soft glam makeup

Carefully curated clothes to flatter my figure

Strict diet and mandatory fasts to keep said figure

Regular fitness routine

Informally trained culinary skills and a introductory sommelier certification; regular home cooked meals

Ability to keep a home clean

Passionate and attentive in the bedroom with stamina, flexibility, and an oral fixation

Studied massage therapy for basic treatment

Good listener and shoulder to cry on

I remember personal details about my crushes life and ask about them

I rub feet and suck toes

EVERYTHING

And before you say “get a hobby!” These skills take time to hone. I’ve dedicated hours to workout routines And stretches. I’ve been cooking since I was a little kid and studied wine chemistry in Bordeaux in college before getting certified. I have google alerts set to tell me about need research on new skincare products and procedures. I solo travel a few times a year and am working towards learning Spanish. Of course I have a personality outside of this but come on…that has never helped me in this quest

Why can’t I find a partner? Someone who wants more than a fling? I have absolutely no physical/aesthetic standards aside from basic hygiene. I approach and compliment guys I’m interested in. Im willing to pay for dates. For fucks sake, the last guy I was into told me about a beer he really liked that was really hard and i traveled across the state and bought the last 2 six packs just so he could enjoy it again. (By the time I returned and told him the good news, he had already decided he wanted to rekindle things with an old fling. If anyone is looking for killian red irish beer hmu)

At this point I don’t care if I get downvoted, dragged or flamed. I just need answers, what the fuck am I doing wrong? How are other women able to get into relationships?