I have strong feelings of infatuation for my friend.

I have a friend whom I met online. We chatted for about a month and occasionally went out together.

I developed feelings for her during the first week of our communication, and after a month, I confessed to her. She said she felt the same way. Later, I asked her to date me, and she agreed.

Both before and during the relationship, I often felt awkward, like our behavior was unnatural. It was as if we were pretending. There were quite a few moments when we simply sat in silence.

This went on for several weeks, after which she broke up with me. It was incredibly painful for me—I had strong feelings for her and idealized her. But in the end, I accepted her decision.

After the breakup, I often thought about texting her, but those thoughts always gave me hope of getting back together, so I held back.

A week after the breakup, she was the first to wish me a Happy New Year via text. And now, a month later (today), she asked me if I remembered a YouTube channel we used to watch.

I can’t deny that it flatters me that she reached out first. I’ve thought about writing to her myself or inviting her out, but I realize I might start idealizing her again and building up false hopes. I’m also afraid I won’t be able to act naturally around her.

I am quite an anxious person, and I would appreciate hearing words of support or advice on what I should pay attention to in this situation.