Wtf happened

I’m 26, got out of the military a few months before my dad died. I was always the fastest/strongest in any unit/division I was apart of. Every command wanted me to be a command wide fitness leader…

Dad dies, I get out of the military and pretty much go on auto pilot to make sure my 9 siblings are okay. I proceeded to smoke weed and drink everyday just to numb the pain, had a bunch of useless sex with random chicks in my past. Did this for 18 months. Went from 230 to 285. I feel like there is no fire inside anymore. Got a membership last week but idk man, I’m not sure if I’m depressed or if I really just lost that fire. Have a shit job with people I don’t fit in with, there’s part of me that wants to be a green beret but I feel so lost in life